So, I haven't been on here much. Not much time. In between playing peacekeeper with an increasingly calm ex wife, I've been working as much as I can, cleaning up after the kids (which is seems the ex does very little of) and spending time with my girlfriend. The 4th was 8 months that we've been together, and she makes me happy. I make her happy. Her kids love me, and my kids love her.
Due to logistics, she hasn't been to my home yet (I don't feel it would be appropriate to being her over while my ex S T I L L lives in my house) or met my kids in person, but they have met her and stuff over video chat. So, all of our time spent together is at her home.
her kids keep asking me when I'm going to marry their mom, when am I going to move in or they move in with me, her daughter (a VERY sassy 6 year old) is demanding that it be no longer than 2 years because she wants to be a flower girl and she doesn't wanna be "too old".
I've met her parents and they like me. They say I am great with her kids and that she is happier since she met me, so yay, unnecessary stamp of approval I guess, lol. My mom likes her but wants to get more time to know her. Since we're all getting vaccinated as soon as possible, that should be sooner rather than later. She says she can see how happy my girlfriend makes me, so she is already positively inclined. Again, unnecessary stamp of approval, but a stamp nonetheless.
I feel... reserved. Happy but reserved. Like maybe I should be more enthusiastic in the relationship, but I'm holding back because I have been OVER enthusiastic in my previous relationships and it's gone badly. I tell my girlfriend that I love her, and at times I feel it swell up and become almost intoxicating, but the rest of the time it feels like a slow burn. IDK if that's my meds, if it's me being jaded, if it's trauma or if I am mistaking what I feel for love, or if I am mistaking what I feel for -not- love because it's not all hyper-gushy-fairy-tale infatuation... i don't know and it vexes me, so I just stay the course.
I haven't written now in 15 months. I'm almost 2 years since I last published. I think I am waiting for my ex to leave my home. She has plans, but they are infuriatingly slow.
My therapist, which I adored, is moving practices and positions, so I have a new lady that... well.. she's not as good and I do not have the same rapport with her. I feel more on the spot and I feel like withdrawing when we talk. She is a perfectly nice lady, but... idk, I'm just not feeling it.
My anxiety is low, though I can tell when I miss my meds. Working on weaning off of them, but I'm currently staying stable at a lower dosage. I'd like to have a time where I don't need them at all.
So yeah. Quick update before I go to work.
