SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If you are army and stationed overseas, and your wife has an affair with another soldier on your base, does the military send your wife home?

Someone told me their life story, and it was, they joined up, them, wife and kid were sent to Germany after Basic Training. Wife had an affair with another solider, and the army sent her and the kid back to the US because its bad for morale to have another solider in your playoon sleeping w your wife.

I always believed this, but now not sure? This was in the 1990s if that makes a differwnce

In my experience, they do not send the cheating spouse back home.

Of course, my ex was still stationed stateside and cheating with the spouse of another soldier.

My ex was busted down, put in barracks (I had already left him) and then it was wait and see which discharge would go through first, medical or general.

Her life continued until she became pregnant with my ex's child while her spouse was deployed. Then her husband had to deal with it.

This was back in 05-06.

Not sure if i have anything of value to add, as I was in the Canadian army for a good number of years. We had this blanket charge of conduct contrary to good order and discipline. I forget the actual charge number as we just called it shaming the Queen. Yes, many a hatless dance forvthat one. It covered everything, and I mean everything fo
Ron an untied bootlace to getting arrested for being drunk.

I was an officer, and I think our expectations were a bit different than the NCOs, as we were required to get the CO'S permission before proposing. Not sure if anyone ever actually did, but having an affair as an officer.... I'd rather not risk it. I've seen a few unhappy C/O's and that makes the W/O very unhappy. For those of you who don't know, when a good W/O walks outside, the birds stop singing. I've seen too many career ending bad decisions over the years.

I'm curious to hear what the experienced members here have to say...

yeah, i think the other soldier (the affair partner of soldier 1’s wife) would get in trouble. Not send wife and kid home.

Soldier 1 then got out of military (dont know why or how). He divorced his wife in Texas, when their kid was 3.5 yrs old. The wife then moved around with the kid (per soldier 1’s story) and married soldier 2/ the adfair dude

doesnt add up, though, because she lived in Venezula with her parents for a year. So she wouldnt have seen soldier 2 for a year… hmmm… but then sbe moves to washington state to marry him?

Soldier 1 is a family member who spews a lot of bullshit. I think hes lying. He claims this is why he didnt see his son for a few years. He also said he still has contacts in army intelligence and knows the super bowl is rigged every year, with subtle hints in pop culture. Example: that song by wiz kalifah in 2011- black and yellow. Steelers were going to win.

I looked it up and Steelers lost

Gottaget,

My understanding is that it is against the UCMJ in the US armed forces.

However I also have been told that you have to bypass your CO and go to the IG to make sure something is done.

Cheating with a service persons spouse is a form of treason, most of all for another service person.

When I was young many of my relatives WWII vets disliked my cousins second husband because he broke up the marriage of another officer.

I didn't understand at the time, but to complicate the life of someone going to war on your behalf was considered despicable and still is.

This was also forbidden in the Mafia and 1% biker gangs as it too is betraying an oath to duty and honor.

[This message edited by survrus at 2:20 AM, Friday, January 5th]

The UCMJ only applies to Military members. It does not apply to a member's civilian spouse.

Can a spouse be removed from the country? It depends on how they entered. If they came on their own and have a valid visa, there is nothing the military can do to remove them from the country. If they came under military orders, then those orders can be revoked/amended and they have to leave the country as they have no valid visa.

Its pretty rare for anyone to be punished under the UCMJ for an affair, aside from non judicial punishment. I am willing to bet that anyone who has broached the topic cannot even tell you what articles of the UCMJ it violates.

When I was in the Air Force in the late 60’s and early 70’s they could not send a spouse home because they were not military and did not have authority over them. I hope this helps!

Here's how it works...

If you're overseas and you tell your command that your dependant spouse is cheating on you and you guys will be pursuing divorce, normally they will move you back into the barracks.

Once divorce is final (or earlier if initiated by the dependant) they will then send the dependent spouse home along with the child assuming the dependant spouse got custody of the child in the divorce.

I was in the military and think the story you were told was incomplete or wrong. The military would not send a spouse home involuntarily. GoldenR's comment above is accurate in how a unit would likely seek to care for the soldier. The UCMJ only applies to people in the military, not spouses nor civilians working for the military.

It's a pretty high bar to trigger the UCMJ because you need proof of sex (EA's don't count) and also that the unit's morale, performance or reputation was degraded in some way. This case, if there was proof of sexual intercourse, would potentially trigger the UCMJ because the AP and BH were both soldiers. This means the AP would have hurt the morale of the unit because of the impact of the A on the BH. If a soldier has an A and all other parties-- AP and BS on both sides-- are civilians then the UCMJ provision is not triggered unless perhaps there was some very unusual public circumstance to the A and the person was also in command or in a senior leadership role.

When I was stationed in Germany from 94-97, they did in fact send the wife of a Soldier from our scout platoon home after she cheated with another NCO in his platoon. The BS was an acquaintance, not a friend, so my information may not be perfectly accurate. But from what I understand, he and his wife had a meeting with the Commander and others from their chain of command, and at the end of the meeting, they decided for her to go home and end her command sponsorship (the program that brings spouses to overseas assignments).

The fundamentals of command sponsorship lay it out pretty clearly:

"Command sponsorship is the permission needed to have family members accompany you with full military benefits during your assignment overseas. If command sponsorship is not included in your original orders, you must make a request through your chain of command.

*Once you’ve made the request, you will receive specific instructions that must be followed.

*If approved, your military orders will specifically state that dependents are authorized.

*If you get married before you move, you must inform your commander and follow the procedures exactly as you receive them. The military will not pay for your spouse’s travel and housing if you do not follow proper procedures.

*Know that command sponsorship is not guaranteed. You will need to have a backup plan if you are denied."

From a fundamental level, if authorization is required for something to happen, it can also be revoked.

I must admit I never worked through this situation myself although I did have the obligatory course in the UCMJ.

Perhaps it's in the language we're using. The military has no right to "send a civilian home" per se. The sponsorship language mentions "with full military benefits". I suppose they could revoke benefits and that would often cause a spouse to leave. But a spouse could just move off post, as an example, and stay without using housing or getting cost of living adjustments. However, I suppose the right to stay in a foreign country could potentially be revoked by that country if the person is no longer sponsored by the US military to be there. In that case the spouse might have to apply for the equivalent of an indepedent visa to stay.

Before the internet, people had little access to information so in a situation like this they may not have considered options available to them. We had spouses who needed extra help just with how to pay the bills when we would deploy, let alone figuring something like this out.

In the case farsidejunky mentions, I hope they busted the NCO. He was the one who violated the UCMJ and it could/should have been a career derailer if not worse. "Sending the spouse home", in whatever fashion it happened, must have been an interesting decision to make and hopefully they weighed all the variables carefully. Not the least of which would be the needs of the BS.

id this story is correct, i bet she agreed to go home. She has lots of family and would prefer to be back in the US i am sure

No. The Army does not have the authority to "send" a civilian away. They have the authority to ban them from a military installation or their government housing or revoke the soldiers orders (command sponsorship). They also have the authority to punish the offending affair partner soldier under the Uniform Code of Military Justice(UCMJ). If the betrayed military spouse wants to send them away, the military can pay the expenses as long as it is covered under the service member's orders. By this, I mean if the service member is overseas, they will pay for the spouse to return back to the States. This doesn't apply if they are assigned Stateside.

I was in the Army from 1989 to 2010.

As for military having affairs, it really is up to the chain of command what they choose to do. I have seen a full bird colonel "forced" to retire when he was sleeping with another soldier's wife. Obviously they couldn't really force him, but they did offer to withhold charges if he voluntarily submitted his retirement packet. It may not seem like he received punishment, but as he was going before the promotion board for his one star (and possibly later his two star), thats literally millions of dollars he would never see if he'd went on to become a two star and retired with it. I've seen the whole gambit of leadership reacrions to adultery from rugsweeping affairs to hanging the soldier out to dry and then making them into beef jerky. It literally depends on the integrity of the chain of command and the mission at the time. Obviously if we've got soldier's dying overseas and we're ramping up to deploy that will have priority of time, funding, and resources versus ensuring your spouse keeps their dick in their pants or panties on. It sucks if you're the betrayed spouse, but it is the reality. For the military, mission comes first, as it should. I can say that my personal experience is that most leadership does not take adultery lightly. I saw the legal packets coming across my desk all the time and the resulting punishments. However, the only times anyone heard about adultery was when it was rugswept because people love to gossip, and victims, rightfully so, were outraged and spoke up.

ETA

"From a fundamental level, if authorization is required for something to happen, it can also be revoked." Exactly this. Command sponsorship is a privilege that can be revoked. This still isn't "sending" away the spouse, but then it falls upon that spouse to figure put how to stay in the country legally. They would have to apply for another form of status that allows them to remain. Sounds like your friend put their own spin on the facts.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 7:23 AM, Saturday, January 6th]

@ DigitalSpyder

I am willing to bet that anyone who has broached the topic cannot even tell you what articles of the UCMJ it violates.

Article 134 covers adultery directly. However, other articles can also apply. For example, if a soldier is ordered to have no further contact with an individual by an officer, they can be nailed for Article 92 (failure to obey). Or in their affair proceedings they can lie on a sworn statement and be charged with Article 107 (providing false statement). And then there is conduct unbecoming (ok, off the top of my head I forget the Article because I retired over 10 years ago, but a quick Google search would give anyone the correct Article). I probably handled over hundreds of the UCMJ packets for processing while I was still admin in the Army before reclassifying.

I have some experience on this topic. When we were in Germany in 1993, there was a soldier in my husband’s unit whose wife had an affair with another soldier (unmarried) in the same unit. The entire unit was in the field doing field training exercises, the AP was on restricted duty (I think injury related) and stayed behind in the rear while the rest of the unit left for training for 30 days. The WW and AP carried on their affair during this time everyone was gone. She was seen multiple times entering the barracks and other times AP was seen entering her and her husband’s on post quarters. Other soldiers who were in the rear alerted the chain of command about what they’d seen and there were quite a few eyewitnesses who saw her in the barracks rooms. When the main body returned from FTX, the BS (betrayed soldier) was pulled aside and was told by either his Platoon Sergeant or his 1SG about what info they had learned. This soldier confronted his wife; she admitted to the affair. They immediately initiated UCMJ proceedings against the AP. The betrayed soldier stated he was not interested in reconciliation, and pressed for a D immediately. He moved out of his quarters that he shared with his WW and he moved into the barracks. The betrayed soldier also asked his chain of command to pull his wife’s command sponsorship so he could send her home as quickly as possible. Essentially command sponsorship is what grants permission for a soldier to bring his family to an OCONUS (outside the continental US) installation - soldiers have to apply for command sponsorship and get it approved before their spouse and/or children can travel on the military’s dime, using a DOD official passport (the maroon ones); once in country they have access to things like military housing, exchange and commissary privileges, and medical care at the MTF. I don’t know the rules these days - but back then in the 90’s a soldier could technically bring a spouse to an OCONUS installation without command sponsorship, but they wouldn’t have access to housing - maybe they’d have commissary, exchange and medical but only the bare minimum. Anyway - command sponsorship is required because it’s a way to track how many family members are in country. When you lose command sponsorship, that person loses their privileges to be there. They can move off post of course; but access to the installation is mostly restricted. Because the actions of both the WW and the AP were so egregious - they made no attempt to conceal their actions, they carried on in the open during those 30 days, many felt that it was an unwelcome distraction and brought the morale down of the entire unit because the BS was very well liked by his peers and was held in high esteem by the COC. It was QUITE the scandal. The request to pull her command sponsorship was granted within a few days and the BS took the signed orders to his quarters where WW was still living. She was ordered to leave within 30 days I believe it was. Their household goods were separated; he took his stuff and the rest was packed up to be shipped to wherever she was moving to. She was also given a one way ticket to fly back to the US. This couple did not have any children. She didn’t have to leave the country - however, if I recall correctly (and I asked my H if he remembered the details since he was directly involved in the decision to pull the CS) - she could’ve stayed in country. But she didn’t have a tourist passport, her official passport was being revoked, and she was losing her privileges as a military spouse. It was a mess - but fortunately for everyone involved, she left willingly without further incident. Sorry for the long drawn out explanation, as soon as I read your post I immediately thought of this incident - your friend’s story and the one that happened while we were in Germany are so similar I wondered if it was the same person!!! This BS initiated divorce proceedings via his attorney in their home state - because it was uncontested and they had no kids; the soldier was divorced within 30 days! So short answer is yes, in the 1990’s it could have happened - the military can pull your command sponsorship and you are no longer supported by that installation’s command.

Hope this helps.

BB

[This message edited by Blackbird25 at 5:16 AM, Saturday, January 6th]