need2bfree (original poster member #55895) posted at 11:56 AM on Monday, January 20th, 2025
Back again. It's been 14 years. Surprised but not. All the old signs of withdrawal and selfishness. Just turned 71 and going through a late life crisis. Not a physical affair this time but emotionally connected. He said they kept trying to break it off because she's a morally good person. Yeah, you heard that right. Anyway, my question is:should I try to talk with her? He said she felt terrible about what they were doing but husband swears there was no sex of any kind. I never spoke with OW 14 years ago. Not sure if I should this time. She appears to have a conscience and Im just not sure I can believe what he's telling me about the no sex thing. What do you guys think?
Formerpeopleperson ( member #85478) posted at 1:34 PM on Monday, January 20th, 2025
Talk to her.
She’ll probably lie about it, but if WH is lying to her about you, she’ll learn the truth and that might change the dynamic.
Is she in a relationship? If so, telling her SO will certainly change the dynamic.
It’s never too late to live happily ever after
need2bfree (original poster member #55895) posted at 2:18 PM on Monday, January 20th, 2025
No, she's single. He has done the no contact text and blocked her everywhere on his phone and social media. Call me cynical but I have a hard time believing they could be sharing I love you's and not having sex.
Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 3:22 PM on Tuesday, January 21st, 2025
NC is NC whatsoever, there is nothing to be gained from speaking to her. She is not a morally good person your H is covering for her.
Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 33 years
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 9:02 PM on Wednesday, January 22nd, 2025
If your husband has promised you that he's broken contact with OW and will let you know immediately if she contact him, then the only good reason to contact OW is to see if he makes good on that promise... because she will call him immediately after speaking with you.
Other than that, you have nothing to gain from speaking with her. If she did have sex with him, she may deny it in order to protect him. If she didn't have sex with him, she might say that she did in order to damage your relationship.
More importantly, the onus in on your husband-- not you and certainly not your OW-- to prove that he is telling you the complete truth.
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
greenirisheyes ( member #7983) posted at 8:39 PM on Friday, January 24th, 2025
I am sorry you are going through this again. You are hoping for truth from a proven liar. Don't waste your time. Even if she tells you the truth, you know you can't trust her and you'll never know if it's the truth or not, which makes the entire thing untenable. Besides, she isn't your problem, your husband is. I don't say to minimize her culpability because she is equally as culpable, but rather your efforts should be focused on your lying husband. My husband had a two year affair almost 25 years ago and I confronted him at her house. One of the things I am most proud of about how I handled that day is the fact that I treated her like she was invisible. I didn't acknowledge nor address her at all. She could be anybody. Focus your energies on dealing with your husband. I am so sorry he has done this to you again. You deserve better.
Reconciled since 10/2002 Married 49 years - 2024!We're better then ever, but I won't be sending the skank a thank you card.
"We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin" – André Bert
