SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

How do you handle people seeing all the signs he was cheating but they never told you anything? I feel so betrayed by so many.

It hurts so bad ...it really does. There are people who care. You are heard and seen.

[mods : I believe this should be moved to General.]
To answer, yes this hurts a lot. My brother in law and my mother in law both knew at least 2 months before I discovered, and never said a word. Father in law was very suspicious too but never confronted her. So let's say even if I don't hurt as much as I did 4 years ago, I still hate their guts for that and will never forgive them.

This is where you get sucker punched so to speak.

The affair is bad enough.

Then finding out friends & family knew but didn’t tell you is even worse.

You feel you cannot trust anyone. Most likely you will lose many friends, acquaintances and possibly even family members who knew.

Please consider individual counseling. It can help you work this the trauma.

I’m So sorry for you.

Anybody can be "seeing all the signs" and be wrong. If they saw inappropriate behavior or overheard inappropriate conversations, but nothing concrete, then it is understandable that they wpuld be hesitant to say something. However, if they saw your spouse out on the town cuddling, kissing, or basically any obviously telling sexual contact, then you'd have a right to be mad at them and cut them off.
Most people don't want to know because then they feel bad for the spouse cheated on.
Define "seeing all the signs."
Anyone that KNEW about the affair and didn't say anything is not your friend.

Seeing Signs and Knowing are 2 different things.

I will never forgive those who knew and did nothing.

A large group of us were out one night. One if the wives had just left and her husband pulled another woman into his lap.

We all laughed and said "he’s had one too many".

No one thought anything more than that.

Turns out (years later - many years later) he was having an affair w/ that woman.

I apologized to my friend profusely for not saying something. 15 of us saw it and just thought they were just kidding around.

Lesson learned.

I know at least one of our mutual "friends" who knew and carried on being my "friend" during my wife’s EA. Will NEVER forgive her.

I think what you’re asking is "did they betray me?". If all they saw were signs and didn’t have concrete proof, then no, they didn’t betray you. I’m making an assumption that people told you they suspected cheating after you had actual evidence. If you are anything like me, which you might not be, I approached those close to me with evidence of the cheating partly hoping they would tell me I’m crazy. They didn’t though, instead they seemed relieved to tell me about their suspicions. But that’s all they had, they never had a smoking gun. It’s high stakes to tell a friend or family member 5hier partner might be cheating. They risk damaging something that might not warrant damage.

I spent a lot of time focusing on the AP who pretended to be a friend of mine. Thinking about he betrayed me. Really though, it was just my wife. She’s the one who broke the vows. Not him, not my friends.