I'm sorry you find yourself here or better stated your WS caused you to be here.
Your story has a lot of similarities to mine in that I had the trickle truth for 10 months for the first Dday. I had to keep uncovering it because he would not come clean. I knew in my heart there was more and I kept digging until I found it. The lies are the absolute worse part of betrayal. Yes we reconciled primarily because the kids were young and 15 years later I am back again and on way to divorce. My youngest is also a junior in HS.
I am just going to be blunt. You are close to embarking on empty nesting and it will be just the 2 of you. I personally believe you can reconcile but you will never be able to fully erase the fact that she lied for so long even when she saw you hurting so deeply. It's like an itchy tag in your shirt that just irritates/inflames you all day. I am a VERY forgiving person and thus I stayed and bought into it. Looking back I think the lies are just almost unforgivable. It is such a self protected selfish behavior and keeps the person being lied to without agency. And I also think when a person walks that path, it is MUCH easier to walk it again.
You are at a fork in the road and have to chose which way to go. Do you truly love her, just her, without the family as the anchor holding it all together? Is she a person you want to spend the next 30-40 years with?
What would the marriage need to look like to stay? I agree it is like walking with a limp.
I have limped along for a long time for the sake of the family. I have gotten to a place of wanting to fully thrive in my life. I want a relationship that is running on all the cylinders. I don't want broken BS anymore.
Think about/write about the pros and cons of staying vs leaving. And be still and listen to that inner voice guiding you.
Warm Regards!
