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Newest Member: FaithOverFear

Reconciliation :
My life after DDay

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 iamanidiot (original poster member #47257) posted at 8:48 AM on Monday, September 9th, 2024

Here I am, soon to be 67. We met 48 years ago - she is my one and only.
It has been 40 years since the last A but crucially coming up to 9 years since DDay.

My spouse had to live with regrets for her choices most of her adult life.
It must still have bothered her, because more than 30 years after the last A, there was her 'slip of the tongue' that finally got me thinking and I managed to coax the truth out of her.
30 years of regrets, of being angry at nobody else but yourself duh I do feel for her, the pain she must have put herself through.

I am so grateful that she turned her life around and became the best possible version of herself after the last A.
I AM SO PROUD OF HER.

I have been lucky.
I have no such regrets with my life. I feel I have done the best I could for my family.
I came out OK.
I can honestly say that in my life I have learnt a lot and have had a great amount of fun along the way.

I am seriously looking forward to our grandchild's arrival in November. The OC, so my name, but not my DNA.
Does it matter? It has not bothered me yet.
You are not supposed to have a favorite, but out of the 3 boys, he is closest to being that one (maybe because he is so different?).

I'm not sure how to say this without sounding like an idiot, but I have figured out that after each A there was something new and exciting that was introduced in the bedroom blush
Pity it happened that way, but what the hell, this is life and now its 30 years later!!!!

I am still planning on retiring sometime in the future. A couple of things may bring that date closer, just heard again today of another contemporary that passed away...but I work for myself and this is what I enjoy doing grin .

More serious and more sad than all the A's put together, is that I am suddenly under care for a CHF condition. Not much that can be done there tho.
I hope that I still get to post in the future....

To those of you that have accompanied me along this path, may I say thank you and ...

Sayonara !!

Me BS,57 Her WS,552 LTA & 2 ONS 30+years agoD-day 27/12/14At least I still have my sense of humor.I need it.Coming to grips with it all3 Adult childrenStill married

posts: 480   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2015   ·   location: South Africa
id 8847954
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 6:03 PM on Monday, September 9th, 2024

Hey! You still have insights to offer other BSes, and probably some WSes, too.

With CHF, my reco is to aim to do as much of what you like in your life. I hated what I was doing, so I retired at 70.5. If you really love what you're doing, so be it. If there are other things you want to do, though....

My only trip to anything European was a 4 day business trip to London - no touring, a cheap client so lousy food. Now, I hear of great trips to the UK to France, to Spain and Portugal, etc. I'd love to see the remains of Diocletian's palace in Croatia. But we lack the stamina we used to have, and we may not have enough stamina to do any of the trips I'd like to go on. (No need to feel sorry for us - we traveled quite a bit in the other direction when we were young and full of energy.)

If this is your 1st grandchild, you may be surprised at how much fun grandkids are.

Now's the time to live as fully as you can. Maybe that means a lot of work; maybe not.

Maybe it means learning Japanese so you can watch the great Japanese movies. smile Sayonara!

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30206   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8847992
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 iamanidiot (original poster member #47257) posted at 8:45 AM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2024

Hey Sisoon

You've helped me a lot along the way - thank you.

I'm not much into travelling to other continents, maybe a visit to old friends & relatives overseas could be on the cards.

I drive past animals every day on the way to work, for the last 37 years - Springbuck, Gemsbuck, Zebras.
It is a great way to start the day and a great setting for a job. Really peaceful.
I will miss that when I retire.

Now's the time to live as fully as you can.

So true. I am already making plans...

Me BS,57 Her WS,552 LTA & 2 ONS 30+years agoD-day 27/12/14At least I still have my sense of humor.I need it.Coming to grips with it all3 Adult childrenStill married

posts: 480   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2015   ·   location: South Africa
id 8848047
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:01 PM on Tuesday, September 10th, 2024

For the record, I never thought you were an idiot.

I missed your location until you mentioned your local animals. I think your update goes very well with Spring. smile

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30206   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8848076
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 8:37 AM on Wednesday, September 11th, 2024

GREAT update iamanidiot...thanks for sharing grin !!

What a HUGE difference in your writing from when you first came on here. I am so PROUD of YOU Dear Sir grin !! You have the benefit that a lot of us don't...TIME smile . Your wife did suffer all of this time...but she used that to CHANGE...and you saw all of this after your Dday smile . After my Dday I had to take a wait and see approach in order to see if my H really DID change. But you knew this soon after your Dday...KUDOS to your wife for doing that smile .

Like sisoon...I don't agree with your username...but it shows where your mindset was at the time you joined here. I have a feeling your username would be MUCH different NOW. As I always say...NOW is what COUNTS grin ! So I would think it would now be something like IAMAGRANDPA grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6665   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8848165
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