Karma

I originally came to this site because I had been betrayed by my partner.

I did not allow him to try to rugsweep, he worked on him, and we worked on our relationship, and eventually I let it go, and eventually it just became part of our past as far as I was concerned.

Years later, life got tough and he cheated again.

But that’s not even really why I am writing this.

I am writing this because back then when I found this site, I eventually admitted that when I was younger, I was an AP to a married man. One person here understandably had a real problem with me after that. I was honest here, that the man’s wife eventually discovered what we were doing, and contacted me, and I would not give her any information, I kept telling her she needed to talk to her husband and not me.

In hindsight, 20 years later, I know how wrong I was, but I’m still not sure that since she already knew her husband had been cheating with me, and I didn’t deny it, whether me answering her questions would’ve really helped her more than it would’ve cause her more pain. She had the basic facts, and at the time, I didn’t want to add to the harm I’d caused her, with details. Whether it was wrong or right, that’s what I felt at the time.

They eventually divorced a few years later. When I heard about it, I felt really bad, because even though he was a serial cheater and I knew it when I was fooling with him, I felt awful about the fact that I’d cheated with him, and how that may have played a part in them eventually getting divorced. I wasn’t the only person he cheated with, but I felt bad about having been a part of his shit, period.

After all of that, I started working on myself, and being a better person in every way that I recognized I could try to be. That included working on things about myself that I felt made it okay for me to be an AP for a married man when I did that.

And after all of that work to try to be a better me, I ended up committing myself and my life, to a cheater.

I can’t even be mad if the man in my past, his wife hoped and prayed that one day I would feel the pain she felt. If she did, her wish has come true, even though I’m not the same person I was back then.

So maybe karma really is a thing. I’ve grown so much, and would never do some of the things I did when I was younger. But maybe I am reaping now, what I sowed back then.

This is kind of a letter to BS’s who are hung up on the AP’s their spouses betrayed them with. I wasn’t the only woman that man cheated on his wife with, before and after me, but I know that what I did with him was my own choice, and there is nothing that makes that okay. I moved on to work on myself and be a better person, and would never do something like that again, but that doesn’t erase what I did with him and how I harmed his wife.

And maybe there is sometimes karma that BS’s don’t know about. Because she doesn’t know anything about me and my current life, but now I can’t help but think about what I did back then, and how I participated in wrecking her marriage and her life while I’m going through what I’m going through now.

15 comments posted: Wednesday, January 15th, 2025