A hollow feeling of sadness and loss

It is now coming up on exactly six months since the day my fWW confessed that she had indulged herself by participating a ten or twelve month long physical and emotional
affair with her immediate Emergency Room supervisor, the senior Surgical Resident doctor at the Southern California hospital where, she, a fairly new RN, worked, also revealing that the child she gave birth to during this period was not from my loins, but the progeny of her AP. All this occurred fifty years ago, but the pain wss as real and visceral as if she had slipped into his bed just weeks or a few months ago. The lapse of time in no way mitigates or diminishes the deep hurt of betrayal. She also confessed to two walks on the wildside, longer than ONS's, but of a few days or a couple of weeks duration, which were purely recreational sex in nature.
We are both in IC, we are on the threshold of reconnecting in a better way, and I have reached a state of acceptance in my mind as to the reality of what she did, what her choices were, and the fallout as it affects both of us.
I I suppose I should be feeling more secure perhaps in a happier place or at least more content than I was six months ago, however my principal emotion is one of great loss, deep sadness And disappointment. It's almost as if I have been hollowed out and every other emotion Taken from me I can't imagine being joyful again. Triggers above and I never know when I'm going to come across one. Old photographs from fifty years ago both during her pregnancy and after her delivery and also the ones of the young baby and toddler growing up just leave me feeling exhausted in my sadness and bring back to thoughts of what she was doing with her AP to create this child....mind movies and more.Yet my Wife has been very good In doing everything that 1 could expect from her..she demonstrates true remorse for what she did, for her chouces,, repentant, contrite And a shamed Wife is what I see. Even with this I lay in bed next to her and look at the wrinkled face of a 77 year old spouse, and ask myself how did this happen? WTF.. Why why why????

49 comments posted: Friday, December 16th, 2022