Broken Up for 3 Weeks Now

So I found out that my now ex-fiance (been engaged for a year, together for 8) was cheating on me, the day after we broke up 3 weeks ago. She was cheating on me with a guy from her job for 2 months prior to our break up. We have 2 kids, and my 6 year old broke down and told me about "Mommy's special friend that only comes over when Dad is at work, but we can't tell Daddy until Mommy gets it sorted out". My now ex- when she broke up with me- made it ALL about things I wasn't doing, ending it with "I just need to find myself". After a legal fight because the ultimatum of "I can't afford to live here without you, so we stay broken up and live together, or I take the kids and move to my home state" didn't work for me, I've moved out and we've began co-parenting for the sake of our kids. But here's the thing, my self confidence is through the floor, I'm just sad most days to be honest. I'm so unbelievably hurt by the fact that she ended an 8 year relationship and got a head start in a new one, behind my back, and left me just floating through the void. I hold strong and am friendly with her, never speak bad about her to my kids, but I am just so sad about it. I can't even think about dating right now, I don't even know how I feel. I'm sorry if this is kind of just a rant, but I just need help. How do I turn off these feelings like she did? Why can't I even talk to new women? I just feel so pathetic, I feel like she's sitting there laughing at me while I fumble around life. I am trying to move on. I do not want to get back with her. But I still have these feelings that just feel like a baseball bat to the stomach. I catch myself starting to text her during the day at work, and it hits hard everytime. This is my first post on here, I finally had the courage to say something. So I'm sorry if this is the wrong thread for all of this. But I just need to get this out. It's like there's an anvil sitting on my chest. I don't eat a lot anymore, I sleep rough (usually with nightmares), and I just can't stand that I feel like she won because I'm miserable. At this point I just hold strong for my kids.. but I'm just so tired and hurt. Thanks for reading.

9 comments posted: Sunday, November 13th, 2022