Just discovered our marriage was a lie (serial cheater)
Recently found out my hetero husband of 7 years (we also have a child together) went to a gay/bi/TS sauna and I'm not sure what to think.
For context, last month I've discovered he was cheating on me for 5 years with asian massage parlors, street prostitutes, friends, women he met and payed to have sex via Telegram, dating apps, and so on. This was shock, of course. I'm 11 years younger than him, 30yo, fit, with a good career, and supposedly very good looking.
In the hopes of coming clean, since he lied to me for many years and still doesn't disclose it all, he confessed this week to have visited a gay sauna last year (very famous in our city).
He told me he went during the afternoon, because he was passing by and wanted to have a relaxing hamman time. He said that he didn't know what was it about, and asked at the entrance if it was a mixted sauna. Looking by the pictures, it looks very much a club, red lights, BDSM room, porn video room, and so on. How could he pretend to not know?
He said he took the clothes off, put the towel and went to the first room with 3 people, including a TS. He tried to talk to them, but nothing happened. Then he went to another room and said he chatted with a guy asking if he was coming there often etc. Then he said he moved to the video room and found another empty sauna room, where he said he was alone. Then he was very horny alone there, and jerked off.
I'm lost, as he said to me he went there to relax because of the sauna aspect. I told him there are thousands of spas and that from the very few gay saunas, he went to one of them by choice.
He said he did not know still, and that he was somehow curious inside but didn't do anything, and that everyone had towels on and nothing sexual was happening. Finally he said that he jerked off completely alone there and that was it. I believe he went there knowing and looking for something. He denies.
Finally, he also told me that last year he was chatting with a TS to meet up and play music. He told me the person was telling him about transitioning and that he didn't care about it, only the music chat. Even though, he seemed curious and they were chatting to meet up in a park to play music. He told me they never met because the person didn't feel comfortable to play music in public with him? I didn't understand and have the hint that something is off.
Lastly, he also told me that 10 years ago, when he was in a work trip, he payed a prostitute and only after at her place, he discovered she had a penis. Then he proceeded because "why not". He told me she only gave him a BJ and he gave one back. Then she proposed other things but he said he denied and went away.
He also told me that before that, 15 years ago, he was smoking weed outside his place at night and a man passing by the street offered him a BJ out of nowhere. He accepted right there. There was also another gay episode during that time prior to meeting each other that he invited a man to go to his place, they kissed and gave BJ to each other.
He also said that in addition to hetero porn, he maybe accidentally stumbled upon TS porn while masturbating and found that curious and "maybe" watched it sometimes.
Other surprise was discovering that he also tries to give himself a BJ. I'm a bit naive, and didn't even know this was possible :) be nice with me. After reading some posts, I've realized that most men say that giving yourself a blowjob is more about the feeling of sucking a penis rather than being sucked.
Kindly asking you guys what you think, since I'm biased and rather surprised with all of this, because there was a heavy cheating (both physical and emotional) involving all kinds of women, mainly asians. But now, I'm trying to understand how the last details and uncovered info fit this. He said he's straight, doesn't feel atttacted by people with penis, and have no attraction or desire for any men or TS.
Am I naive to think this is possible?
Thank you so much for tour kind responses :)
I'm heartbroken for all the destructions his serial cheating and gaslighting have caused, but now he is begging for pardon. He shared his bank account etc, in the hopes of making me feel better. But in reality I discovered the amount of cash he withdraw to use with sex workers (street prostitutes, telegram prostitutes, asian massage parlors aka prostitution, dating app subscriptions, sex house, gay/trans sex sauna (he said it was only once for curiosity last year). Not only, but he also has cheated emotionally on me with old colleagues, flirting with coworker, and building strange hidden relationships with other girls while we were married.
Any input is welcome.
7 comments posted: Thursday, August 31st, 2023
