BS(55) WW (50) DD 24 Sep 22, R-25 Nov 22 Together-18Y M-17 Y Reconciliation in progress, 1 tween.

WW paying penance

Hi,

We're 18 months into R. fWW is still peeling back the layers of her A, and starting to gain clarity as to the why and many actual WTF moments, coupled with mid life crisis, peri-meno health issues and ongoing grief from the loss of a close family member. She's had a great deal of hard knocks in life but is an amazing, resolute and capable woman/mother who has overcome much to be a successful professional in her own discipline. However, she must sit with her pain, process her actions, and do the work.

She works in the same company as former AP and has remained there, he's known amongst the workforce for being a bit of a sex pest/groomer/takes advantage of vulnerable women. They have some contact for professional reasons but the law ensures he keeps to the facts, otherwise she'd get him sacked. I'm ok with it, I admit it's been triggering on occasion but I sit with my feelings and process them, sometimes they pour out as frustration due to unmet expectations, she takes longer to think about things than I do but usually arrives at a reasoned and sound position. The posts on here have been illuminating and I get to grips with the personal stories others' confide on here, and what to expect during recovery and in R. They have helped me understand and make sense of my reactions above.

She's horrified having to work where she's at and in her words "it's like paying penance" for her wayward decision to affair down with a senior co-worker. Recently she admitted that she wouldn't look at him twice in the street, and is processing all that has come to pass, with disbelief and regret. Although she does not regret the affair, as it has brought about the M we should have had from the beginning, lots to unpack there but for another time. She has been contrite and genuinely remorseful, we're heading to a redefined M and we're both committed to ensuring that communication is two way, we're both vulnerable and we are honest with each other.

I've forgiven her, and slightly amused at her daily penance, she considers it as punishment in a way. She's struggling with what she's brought on our family.

Q: How can I support her and help her heal? Does anyone have any points or advice to share from a similar situation?

Thank you
Salty

40 comments posted: Sunday, January 28th, 2024