Wish me luck

I'm meeting a financial advisor tonight to see if I can afford a place of my own after my forthcoming D from ww.

Anxiety is taking over as my credit is far from good.

I just need my own place to call my home for me and my kids when they stop.

Everything is crossed for a new beginning.

7 comments posted: Wednesday, January 29th, 2025

What I'm missing more than love

Ww just got my weird humour, I could tell her silly things I've seen or done or daft tiktoks and we'd laugh together and vice versa.

Now when these things happen I immediately think of her and wanting to be silly together, now I have no one to be silly with, no one to share with.

Pointless post here I know but that connection we have is going to take some replacing even after what she is doing to me I'm going to miss our friendship as much as anything.

2 comments posted: Tuesday, January 28th, 2025

We're done!

So I'm writing this while cooking tea for my ws, she is actually working this time 😂

I m42 have been married to my ws for coming up to 8 years. We have a child together 7 and I have 2 late teens from a previous relationship. We have been together for 15 years.

We've had little problems like most but never really argued etc but when we did have a tiff we just got on with it and never really spoke about it.

I have her everything she ever wanted, a wedding abroad, a house we struggled to get, a child, but she was never truly happy.

I'm very laid back by nature and she is very full on never rests always cleaning and keeping busy, she is very house proud.

She likes days out and I like to chill.

We both have good jobs but both are terrible with money and accumulated a lot of debts, silly debts on cards and loans.

A couple of years ago her mother lost her husband suddenly who I was very close to and was very much a straight thinking guy someone I could have great meaningful chats with about our spouses as they are very similar!
Anyway, my wife understandably started spending more time with her mum on days out etc and all our trips and holidays involved her with or without me. I had sort of lost my place in that respect and started to feel left out. She stopped inviting me out on day trips etc and even if I was there I didn't feel important anymore. So I stopped trying to get involved as much and our connection really suffered.

Last year things where off, no bedroom activity, no hugs kisses or snuggles. She announced that she wanted to split up. I was devastated, I knew things were not right but I hoped it was a phase because of recent circumstances. She told me I'm lazy, a shit dad to my eldest kids, I don't help with anything, I don't want to get involved with her and out child's days out etc. that really hit my hard and after a lot of pleading she agreed to give me a chance to change....... See my mistakes here!

Things I thought got better with trying on my part, but date nights got shrugged off plans together got postponed slowly etc etc

Then d day hit last week, she again said things haven't changed we're too different people, just room mates she wants to split. I wasn't surprised. This was all done by text while at work btw, as it was last year, you'll see why! She started sleeping in the spare room and we agreed we are going to go separate ways amicably.

Then last weekend I received a hand written letter in the post from anonymous to let me know my ws is having an affair with an older colleague, he had split from his wife 2 years ago apparently to be with my ws.

My ws denied everything and left for the day with her mum, everything was now making sense to me, all the late nights at work, coming home not hungry coz she had a big lunch, meeting other random female friends in another town, all the headaches, backaches, water infections when I tried to be intimate etc etc.

I found this guy on Facebook and sent him a message to let him know about the letter, he admitted they have feelings for each other and have grown a lot closer recently.

I asked her again when she returned and she now admitted her feelings for him, they had bonded at work and become close but swore it was not an affair as it is not physical! She swore on our child's life. So I believe her? I honestly don't care, an EA is just as bad if not worse to me. She has confided in him about our problems and he has been given a cheat sheet of the right things to say and do and she has fallen for it.

I asked her to break it off with him while we are still living together, if she ever cared I hoped she would do this while we sell the house. We cannot afford to part until the house sells. A couple of days later she still cannot decide if she should break it off with him, that is enough to confirm to me now that we're done done and done.

It's so hard to lose the person I love, but she doesn't love me back and her attention is now elsewhere.

In a matter of a week we've had a valuation on the house and I'm getting financial advice on how I can move on.

I'm so scared and nervous about being alone, ive not had much effection from her recently but looking back I've not been happy for a while, but I will miss her greatly.

It's gonna take time but I'm sure happiness is in the future for me!

I'm up and down every day but in good spirits today so can write this without crying in my phone.

If this helps one person then I feel sharing my story so far is important. If I could offer anyone advice it would be to communicate your feelings early and continue to talk to each other whenever you can. COMMUNICATE! would it have saved us? Maybe, would she ever have felt happy with me? Probably not, I've done a lot of reading and I think she certainly has narcissistic personality traits but that's for another topic has so far helped me understand how she works and thinks.

Chin up and move on with pride! It's not my fault!

Lol as I'm writing this she has text to say don't worry about tea for her as she's not hungry. Old AP probably filled her up 😂 if I didn't laugh I'd cry.

Thanks for reading my essay I look forward to sharing the progress with you all.

23 comments posted: Saturday, January 25th, 2025

What have you done to find yourself again?

Ww will shortly be in the past, I've given up a lot in the last years trying to bring her happiness I have forgotten who I really am. Friendships have drifted apart, family have been neglected.
She and my son have been my entire life and I'm not sure how to be my real self again.
How do I connect with people again without it looking like I'm oy back because I need them.
I'm not good at being alone.
I am an introvert and love peace and quiet when ww was out for the day but also had peace knowing she would be back.

Soon I will be living alone with some days access to my boy, but other days I will be in an empty house.

What have you done to get through this?

9 comments posted: Thursday, January 23rd, 2025