Not sure what to do...
Hi, please bare with me as this is all very new and English is not my first language, which makes it harder to write here...
I found out a couple of weeks ago that my husband of 31+ years has been cheating on me for more than 20 years with prostitutes. I have known for a while that he would watch porn, the first time I suspected anything of him was over 10 years ago, I got a call from my GYN that I had an STD, he promised me he had never been unfaithful to me and I let it slip, he was having prostate surgery that week so againts all my instincts I believed him. After that I caught him a couple of times watching porn, mostly if I would arrive at the house at a time he would have not been expecting - he would close his computer fast and try to make like he wasn't doing anything.
two years ago he said he was going for lunch with a friend and he went out with an ex-girlfriend. I caught him and we had a big fight, a couple of weeks after I bought him calling for escort calls. that was it for me, I was ready to live, and then one of my best friends passed away, so life took a different turn, and I believed him again when he said he "didn't do anything" he thought about it but he did not get to do it, he blamed everything on insecurities after he's prostate surgery... so, life moved on, on for the past 2 years I thought we where having our best life ever, until December
I caught him watching porn, he did what he always use to do, close his computer... but this time he was mad at me for catching him. so I started being more aware of how he acted, and I caught him calling escorts again, it might sound silly but what made me the most mad was that each call was more than 500$ and he keeps on telling me that our finances where struggling!!
I hade a business trip, and on my way out I told him to think if he really wanted me to come back - this time I told him that it was either the whole through or I wouldn't come back. so after my return we arrange to start going to counseling and on the first appointment he let me know that he has beed cheating for over 20 years. he promises is only hookers and calls, he blames it on a sex addiction - but I know he went out with this ex girlfriend, and im not sure if this is really a sex addiction or just plain cheating.
I also know that I need therapy for myself, as well as the couples therapy, but im not sure im ready to phase all this. I really love him, and I know he loves me and against all I have said I do think he's a good person and a good dad, and I feel so stupid for not leaving before or for feeling I really want to make this work now, but Im not sure if he will change and im not sure I can live with this...
so here I am, with some of the answers I thought I wanted to hear, but wishing I would have never known
it feel like the whole life I thought I had was just a lie, and I really don't know how to go from here...
Thanks for hearing me out...
6 comments posted: Thursday, January 30th, 2025
