It definitely depends on the members. I'm in several book clubs: they're all different and I enjoy them all. We do discuss the books, but in one we do so in more depth and the off-topic chat is merely before and after the actual discussion, whereas in another it's an integral part of the meeting and we laugh a lot. Both are fun, just in different ways.
I think the leader is crucial to the club's "personality". For older women such as me, book clubs seem to be the in thing nowadays. Almost everyone I know seems to be in one! And I get the impression that for some people, leading a book club is a bit of an ego trip - they do it so that they can impress other people by telling them about it and sounding clever. Another of my acquaintances, who is super-intelligent but modest, was basically thrown out of one club, because she dared to disagree with the leader's opinion! In good clubs, differing opinions are met with delight, because they lead to more lively discussions.
I don't think you need to worry about not being a natural reader. As far as I'm concerned, one of the joys of the clubs is that they've led me not only to read more, but to read books that I would never have read, or even have heard of, had I not had to read them for the book club. Some of those have been hard work: others have been a delight. However, even if you don't have to have read the entire book, if you have done so, I think you'll enjoy the discussion more and feel more confident if you're shy.
One tip: Most of my clubs' selections are relatively recent and almost all are available as unabridged audiobooks, on CD or via audible. So if you are concerned about finding a book hard work, or of not being able to finish it in time, there's nothing to stop you listening to the audio version - in the car, or while you're doing housework. If any of the other members are intellectual snobs and think audiobooks are inferior, just keep quiet about it - they don't have to know! (And in my opinion, they're wrong, anyway. Unabridged audiobooks are now hugely popular with many natural readers, too, as it's a case of so many books and so little time......)
For me, joining one book club has given me just what I gather you are looking for. The members are now friends and I see them a lot outside the book club meetings. I found all but one of the clubs via Meetup. So if you're considering starting one, or are just looking for one to join, you might try that.
ETA - I've just realized that you're male! Sorry. In my experience, book clubs consist almost entirely of women. The one that is mixed is a topic-specific one. But unless the description specifies that it's for women only, I'm fairly sure that, as with most social gatherings, a lone male would be welcomed with open arms! (Have you seen "The Jane Austen Book Club"? if not, you might find it encouraging. I loved it.)
[This message edited by Cally60 at 5:27 PM, June 28th (Sunday)]