SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

3 years ago, my ex husband left me while I was pregnant. He got his mistress pregnant soon after. He came back and we broke up again after a few months. It has been over 2years, we are divorced.

Im in a new relationship. We have been together for a year. Im super insecure, i always think hes cheating on me or that he doesn't love me. I feel like if a man isnt constantly up my a** ...it makes me insecure and i feel like im waiting on the other shoe to drop.

Im so used to being married, i feel like im expecting too much in a new relationship. Im a hopeless romantic..i want it to be at an 8-10 at all times or else i feel insecure, alone.

I just want to feel normal. I want this to feel right..i dont want him to always have to be around me or talking to me on the phone/texting everyday for me to feel content.

:(

You sound like you have some anxiety as a result of your H cheating and leaving you.

A good counselor or therapist can help you deal with this and help you get over the situation you are putting your new relationship in.

You don’t need the validation from a person you are in a relationship with. You need to feel strong and confident about yourself. And then you bring less baggage to your next relationship.

And you will not need him to text or call you or prove anything.

You are still healing and if you are not actively working on healing you will miss out on one of the gifts of infidelity. I remember the pain, I remember questioning myself, but with help and some time you become he person you were meant to be.

You don't actually say what 8-10 means to you, but I will say it reminds me of my ex who has very unrealistic expectation about relationships and how they mature over time. To her, if she wasn't feeling the high of our early relationship there was something wrong with me and that's just not how relationships work in our brain. Of course her new relationship and the high she was feeling was just further proof I was the problem. To be honest I would prefer skipping all the early high stuff to just get to the mature we're partners in life stage. Then again I'm almost the opposite of an addict.

Make sure you are working on healing yourself and finding realistic expectations. I'm sorry all this takes more time then we want it to, but in the end it's worth it.

After the divorce, did you spend any time working on yourself? IC?

This sounds like an issue you had before you were married. This might be something internal and at your core. I would really think about finding a good counselor to help you deal with whatever is your core belief about yourself.

@heartfullofholes

I think I expect things to be lovey dovey..and when they arent..i feel that anxiety creeping up.. silly things like: he hasnt sent me a heart emoji in a week.. super silly. Im just not comfortable.

Thanks for the advice from the rest of you. I am planning on seeking counseling. I try to do my own healing. Trying tonfocus on loving myself.

Ive never had a long period of time between my marriage and dating others. & now im hoping i dont screw this one up 1st with my antics.

Talk to him about it. He's the only one that can help dispel some of your insecurities.

I'm in a healthy relationship (8 months now). The difference between this one and anyone else I've dated is that I can talk to him about ANYTHING and he makes me feel safe.

We haven't seen each other since March 14. We still talk almost every night and random times during the day. But I was feeling disconnected from him physically. Instead of me fretting over it, I called him up and said "I'm feeling disconnected from you" and we had a really good talk about what other things we can do or why I'm feeling like that.

I'm not used to doing this (was married for 16yrs) but I'm finding that being vulnerable is my biggest weakness but it's important in a relationship.