SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

After my divorce I was upset and drank a little. I’m a lightweight so it didn’t take much!! My Exwh is with the OW so I created a Match profile, drunk and pissed so it was pretty honest. Was SHOCKED when I got hits, even more shocked when I went on a few dates with one guy and he professed that I was “perfect” for him, exactly what he wanted and kept pushing for more. I was very honest with him, that I wanted to date but NOT move in with him. He gave off “red” flags from date one, but I thought I don’t pick well, so it might be me. He did not take it well when I pushed back on the “moving in” thing.

Met up with an ex from high school that I’ve remained friends with. We hung out as he was in town. A little history: Last time I saw him, he was at the high school reunion with his wife n kids. She looks an awful lot like me! He informed me then ( oh 3years ago? ) that him and his wife were swingers and I was his “golden ticket.” I had no idea what that meant. Apparently I can “sleep” with him any time with her permission. They both howled at the look of shock on my face, and the scowl on my then husbands. Apparently it’s ok for him to step out..., Sooooo anyway.... he points out to me that I’m no longer married and I should “Play”. He pointed out that it’s fun n no strings attached so I can find time to heal, be with someone safe for me, and .... yah there were a lot of reasons. His wife SENT him out on a road trip.

I have been out of the dating world FOREVER and both of these scenarios make me scratch my head. I read “just some guys” post about scotch n Netflix and thought .... that’s what I should do too. THEN..... I found myself signing up for scuba diving lessons..... and Machu Picchu trip.... I think I’m going off the deep end!! Have to get a passport, shots, and start working out now so I can hike up a mountain!!! Where was this “insanity” after the first affair??

Is this normal to jump into the deep end??? Machu Picchu was my “maybe someday” knowing we’d always do his wants first, meaning never for me . Stingrays are my favorite animal and I saw them snorkeling and I thought my heart would burst. Normal??? Or should I always wait 24 hours before doing something crazy?? Is anyone else running into just bizarre situations?? Am I attracting this??

As far as travel goes, do whatever the heck you want!! your life is your own. You don't need to apologize or explain yourself to anyone.

As far as dating, do what feels right in your gut and your heart. Don't be pressured into anything you are not comfortable with.

Hurtingnconfused,

So you have the travel bug too! That is awesome. And, you know what one of the nicest things about being single? You can do what you want, whenever you want and WITH whomever you wish! And anyone who objects? They can go pound sand!

Want to travel! Heck yeah - get on your frequent flyer pants and GO! Start a FWB thing with someone you find attractive. Want to have casual, carefree, no strings attached sex? Find a hot guy (or girl!), get naked and just have some (safe of course) fun!! Ever curious about being with another woman? Now is a great time to scratch that itch (if you have if of course!).

Want to find out about a threesome? Sounds like you already have that covered if you want to try that too! Enjoy yourself! What is the old cliche? Lose a cheater and gain a life?

Well, you kicked your cheater to the curb (and deservedly so...I hope you kicked him to the curb so hard he bounced ) Now it is time to gain that life!

So - live your new life to the fullest. Try some things you have never dared to try before.

"Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die" - The Apostle Paul paraphrasing the prophet Isaiah.

Go do you and do it big!

[This message edited by NeverTwice at 2:50 PM, September 7th (Monday)]

Not into girls or 3-somes although the Exwh pushed for that. Not against it, just not for me. At least, at this point, no interest. Daughter is in a female relationship and thriving.

Was raised “very Catholic” so the idea of free-for-all sex is also a little shocking but coming around to “playing.” I know I’m not ready for a commitment unless they check a whole lot of boxes and even then, still want to travel n be me.

I’m wondering if this feeling wears off, just wanting to travel, experience, and enjoy.

Im having the time of my life, to be honest 😂 A lot of that is I’m stuck here due to Covid so life is like a seemingly endless holding pattern, but I will sail off, so nothing seems like it has any consequences.

So, I’ve (in no particular order) spent 2 wild weekends with a 24 year old (I’m 46, in my defense he pursued me for a while and I finally thought well fuck it, let’s do that), explored some kinky things I always wanted to try, made a bunch of new friends that are fun and different (no more staid officers wives life for me!) and current partner I am simply infatuated with is an amazingly, fantastically, intoxicatingly clever 31 year old...miIitary guy who is in the same place the ex was 25 years ago. He wants me to go to the ball with him 😂 That’s a bridge too far but I did do a dinner party, because after all I am quite experienced with hostessing that sort of thing. That sounds like an absolutely awful idea, am I right? It probably is, but he is nothing like the ex, the circumstances of his job just are.

I mean in some respects we did all the right things and got screwed, so why not try some of the wrong things? What exactly could happen that’s worse? Probably not a great mindset, I’m not necessarily recommending you do anything I do. Just I think it’s kind of normal amd also can be liberating and fun, so-? Go. Travel. Have amazing sex. You deserve all the best things in life.

Your ex from high school sounds creepy to me. He's looking at you as an object (Golden Ticket) and some kind of conquest. He's pushing you to 'play' with him. And them laughing at your reaction when they first mentioned it just isn't right.

There's nothing wrong with having encounters if you choose to do so, but it should be without being talked into it because someone else wants it.

My ex/boyfriend from HS laughed in good fun. I poke at him all the time, so it was my turn. We’ve been talking on the phone weekly for 5 years. He’s a big reason why I made it thru the heartache with SOME sense of self.

He would never pressure me to do anything; coax, tease, bribe YES but never pressure.

Hes kinda lost now cuz his wife is in a major medical issue so it’s my turn to tease n be obnoxious so he can laugh.

Gonna go out and try things. Decided on a 30 day challenge where I have to say “yes “ to anything not against my morals. So far I’m booked to go to see my old staff in Vegas, she’s been begging for years to come see her, get a tattoo, going to a hot springs and a road trip to go geo cashing. I’m hearing rumors of other things but not too outrageous

And Maudlin, I applaud you!!

Will go out and try crazy things! I don’t want to see the same face over the kitchen table For a while!!

Maudlin,

I am going to assume that is the Mar4ine Corp ball?

GO! You will have a blast and be the envy of every spouse in there married to a stuffed shirt, full bird colonel and above!