SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It shouldn’t be this difficult. Love should not be this difficult. You’re supposed to enjoy an engagement. For some, the engagement is the high point of the relationship, the honeymoon phase, glorious limerence and infatuation, still novel passion, planning the wedding, your futures, dropping serious coin on rings, Bride magazines, can’t keep your hands off each other, etc…

But instead, your four years into an engagement, engaged to do…what?

She was engaged to cheat and you’re now engaged to reconcile? You’re trying to avoid a divorce before you’ve even married yet.

This is not a good start. You’re showing up to the starting line of the Baja 500 in a clapped up Dodge Monaco with half a tank of gas, it’s dark out and you’re wearing sunglasses.

Wait until life throws kids at you, aging parents with declining health, a mortgage, career stress, marriage doldrums, a crisis or three, and the ravages of time.

You’re going to want a savvy mate that will always have your back and will stand by you through it all. Is this her, someone who needs boundaries spelled out to her? If she really loves you, SHE will create the boundaries. She will compulsively create boundaries to protect you, you Ifeelsolost, because she loves you with all her heart and can’t imagine living without you, and will fight for you.

The girl you’ve portrayed seems to imagine living without you, can’t be pushed too hard or she’ll kite, is avoidant, afraid of dealing and, is basically not FIGHTING for you.

So our main form of communication about this is via increasingly lengthy WhatsApp messages.

This is a terrible form of communication. Texting is full of reading between the lines pitfalls. A good counselor can teach you two some excellent tools for intimate communication. Intimate communication is what holds marriages together. It is an absolute, fundamental prerequisite to marriage.

WhatsApp, BTW, is a cheater’s favorite text app.

[This message edited by RealityBlows at 10:13 AM, Sunday, October 30th]

For crying out loud, she’s JUST your fiance.

She has SPECTACULARLY failed the job interview, that job of course the one of being your devoted lifelong partner.

Show her the door.

She’s not the one for you.

(or can't be sure because that conversation could very well have been staged)

This was good insight on your part, it's the kind of thinking you'll need to sniff out more nonsense from your GF and to protect yourself.

I think you'll need that kind of skepticism for a while until you feel you're reconciled.

On the other hand, it sucks that this level of distrust has crept into your relationship.

[This message edited by SnowToArmPits at 12:18 PM, Sunday, October 30th]

Oh , I missed the fiancé part. You are at the beginning and she is already cheating. You need to run!!! She’s not the right one, one day you will wake up with the right one and realize you dodged a bullet. You should break off the engagement and let her go.

Yes. I missed that too. You’re not married. You either leave the relationship immediately or take action as previously recommended. The only thing you don’t want to do is what you’re actually doing, or not doing in fact, now.

Count me in because I somehow missed the fiancé part as well.

In that case, get out now. If she's behaving like this before marriage she's actually doing you a favor by showing you who she really is. An engagement is much easier to break off than a marriage, with kids, a home etc.

Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit.

She failed the marriage audition. Your engagement should be a time of bliss; instead, while you were planning your future, she was betraying you.

This is a full-blown sexual and romantic relationship. It’s been going on for 4 years and they see each other every day. You have no reason to believe otherwise.

You need to end this relationship and remain single for a while as you repair that mental and emotional damage you have suffered from years of abusive relationships. You owe it to the rest of your life.

Mandatory polygraph test

Mandatory NC with the OM this means WW has to find a new job and
block OM from all methods of contacting her.

Also OM will not keep sniffing around for 4 years just for an EA.
This was a PA.