SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi Folks,

Honestly do not know where to start with this,I was at this forum 5 years ago (although could not find my old messages) when I discovered my partner had been going to see a female in secret, I caught him out, but always said nothing happened, just support (like an emotional affair I suppose)

I agreed to give it another go and it was fine for a while, although there was no intimacy shown by him, and still has not to this very day, He does not engage with me emotionally, does not initiate conversations etc etc. Only time things improve for a short while is after a disagreement (usually started by me trying to find out why he doesn't really show much interest in me) then he will make an effort for a few weeks, but then it all goes back the same old behavior. To sum it up, it feels like two room mates sharing a home. He also ogles other females in my company, twice I have had to call him out on it, it is done in a disrespectful way. Because I don't understand what is going on, I have started being suspicious again..cue the snooping.

I have since discovered that an old pack of condoms that has been in his drawer for the last 5 years, has two missing!I am sure there were 3 all that time ago and now there is 1 left in the box, I also found a card from a diner dated the month before I joined this forum (although when I asked if he had met up with this woman anywhere else other than her home he said he hadn't..I have never set foot in said diner in my entire life!

Is it happening all over again, I don't know,but the work that was required to make me feel safe in this relationship has not been forthcoming. Just needed to offload all that.

Hi, Dreamdaisy. I'm sorry that you're not getting what you need from your H. Do you have any thoughts on what you'd like to happen next?

I have not stopped to think what I want to happen next, just felt like reaching out,it is hard living like this with no outlet

It sounds like this is the best you're going to get from him. Is this enough for you? Don't you think you deserve better?

What is keeping you in this relationship?

I’m saddened to read you don’t feel appreciated or valued or heard in your current relationship.

Sometimes you have to make the hard decision b/c you know you deserve better. You know you could be in a better relationship if your partner either stepped up and tried to interact with you or had the guts to set you free.

You are living in limbo right now. You don’t feel fulfilled by this relationship but you are waiting for your partner to do something about it.

Maybe you should explore what you want in life and then go find it. And if the partner does not meet your needs, find someone out there who will.

I could obviously be wrong, but my instant thought based on what you've said is he could be cheating again. My WH behaved the same way during his A and I've promised myself I will follow my gut and take that as a clear sign that he's messing around if I ever experience that distant roommate feeling from him again with the clear lack of intimacy and emotion.

I would continue to investigate for more evidence or just straight up confront him especially if you're generally not happy with your current "roommate" like situation. He can't keep you hanging around unhappy and making no effort. Take some time to focus on yourself and what you want and then take the steps to make him aware so he understands he needs to improve or you'll be gone living life for you and not his miserable self

Hopefully I'm wrong but definitely don't ignore the signs or let this go because you don't deserve to have it get any worse

Hi,
Thank you for your replies everyone, I have finally realised what a fool I have been taken for, he gave excuses for why he has been treating me this way after speaking to him again about it, I then realised that I'm not prepared to carry on like this anymore and laid it out straight that I am not prepared to take this treatment any longer, I was well prepared for the gaslighting and word twisting that he always employs to back out of things, because I have also realised that it is his way of not taking responsibility for the behaviour that he is responsible for. Enough is enough now.. He has walked out of the house in true immature style, but the line is drawn for me now. Not sure where I go from here, but grateful to have your support

You're not a fool for wanting your relationship to work. He's the fool for failing you.

Strength to you, take care of yourself right now. Make sure he's not going to suddenly drain the accounts or anything.

High five, Daisy. Good on ya for setting boundaries and taking no crap.

Hi All,

I have felt the need to start a new post after the events of today