SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I created this account at 33, I’m 38 now and let me tell you I have been through it in between those years. When is enough actually enough? I feel like it’s easier to stay and be miserable than to move on. Been with my husband since we were younger, we just got married last year (not me thinking an extravagant wedding would change him…eye roll). Yet again I found out the other day he is still the shady old self that I have grew to just deal with and I’m sick of it!!! I hate feeling that knot in the pit of my stomach when everything unfolds. I hate all of it and now I hate him. I think I hated him for years but dealt with it because of convenience. We own an established business, have kids, animals, shared accounts and finances. How do I do this? Where do I start? At this time he is sleeping on the couch and we are telling the kids the bed makes his back hurt so that’s why he is staying downstairs. I’m not okay and I’m terrified I am going to give in again.

I’m sorry you are posting this during the holiday season. It just adds another dimension to your situation trying to pretend everything is ok to the kids.

You need a plan. An exit strategy. You have spent too many years unhappy. It’s time to change that.

See an attorney. Understand how to prepare for a D. What you need to do. What the STBXH will need to do.

In short order you need to start putting money aside in an account he has no access to. Get all your financial documents copied and stored securely somewhere (not your residence).

Maybe some professional counseling can help you. It can help to give you the push you need to take the first step.

You need to live your best life. You are unhappy. And now is the time to get out of the rut and move to a better existence.

Hi, thank you for responding I have a lot to do. Very scary and overwhelming for me to have a plan of action.. especially when he is a narcissist and I can only imagine how bad things will be if he finds out I’m making moves without him.. I would scum on earth. I think the very first thing I need to do is lawyer up.

Lawyer up. And start working on plan b. Do you need to develop new skills or go back to school? Figure out what your new life will look like.

And maybe read the pinned post on Fears vs Reality in the Separation/Divorce forum. Many of us found these to be ultimately so much better once we were out of the toxic relationship.

And a good IC will help you steel your resolve. YOu deserve better.

I deserve better… gives me the chills to think it and say it out loud. I guess it was never really ever in my vocabulary. I work full time and everything we own is technically mine but just because everything is in my name doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve half or at least something. I’m a very logical person that is mentally wrecked. I cannot begin to wrap my head around everything that needs to be done. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. I need to find the urgency. I’m almost in a state of shock where I am finding it really difficult to make moves. And I don’t love myself or even like myself. I really need to work on this and build up my confidence again.