SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Maybe this isnt fully the right place. My situation is 10 years old, and I experienced some level of discovery at the time. But this year is the first year I am processing this in earnest.

My(37) wife(34) used to be a beverage cart girl and server/bartender at a golf course and country club way back in 2014 before we were married.

It was 10 years ago, and I was stupid and young and we were in love, having our first go at making it on our own.
So we socialized with her coworkers. The executive chef(B), a male server(J), a female server(k), and various other male and female coworkers at bars, houses, and events. Sometimes happened with a group of members of the club, (P) and (H).

Timeframe for cheating begin and end dates are lost to time. But should be march, all the way to september. And maybe even later.

My personal knowledge of her cheating at the time was limited. Red flags were her warning me that J was very flirtatious. I asked her if she could handle it, and she scoffed, saying he was disgusting and that she would never let anything happen. I accepted this and we continued socializing around him and others.

For a time, an older member of the club (P) would give my wife $100 every time he saw her. From time to time, we would run into him and his friends at bars and restaurants and socialize. One evening at an irish pub, they and we were drinking and hanging out. A bachelorette party came in and they abandoned us to go harrass the ladies involved. My wife immediately started crying, and I paid for our drinks and we left. It was a big wtf is going on moment for me. She had no explanation.

Same month, we were socializing with some of her coworkers at a different members(H) house. We were intoxicated and I was waiting out my BAC to feel safe to drive home. After her coworkers left, My wife, H, and I remained in his home. Eventually, he grabbed my wife from behind, hands on breasts and began to kiss her neck. They were both staring at me. She did nothing to stop him. I paced the room for a few seconds, mulling over attacking a bigger man in his own home. Calmed down, grabbed her hand and dragged her out of there. "Why didnt you stop him, say no, come over to me, anything?" I asked. "I froze", she replied.

One day she was scared because P had been seen "being handsy" with her out on the golf course by course workers. Her boss asked if she was ok. She told him she was. I begged to make a "thing" out of it, and she made me promise I wouldnt. Ran into him at a mcdonalds a bit later. He literally ran from me.

Months went on. One day while i was at work, she called to ask if she could go on a boat ride with coworkers. I asked which ones, and she listed only male names, including J and B. So I got mad and told her hell no. She claimed for years not to have gone on that boat.

We met them later at a bar the same day and they were all shaming me for not trusting my girlfriend. I explained that we had a rule about opposite sex friends being only for hanging out with both of us present, that it was her idea, that I wasnt the jealous one, and that i purged all my female friends when we were dating at her request. They all started laughing. Holy shit, is that true? They asked her. She stared at the floor. Later she was angry that I humiliated her, and "made our shit everyone elses business".

One evening, same bar, I saw her phone light up with a text. From J. I made a mental note of it because they were both right there. I watched her put her password into her phone and memorized it. Later i got into her phone and all texts from j were gone. Pretending not to know, I asked her to show me her phone. She was smug till i asked her where the text i saw her get that night went. Deer in the headlights. Not so smug now. We fought. She claimed that he was pursuing her, and she didnt want me to hate him so she deleted it. Never believed it, but I was still stupid and thats where I fucked up.

Sometime later i had a bad week and got shitcanned off of a big construction project. That night there was going to be a big party for the staff at a nightclub. I told her i didnt want to go out and that without me, she shouldnt. She begged me. We made a plan that she would go with a couple we knew whom I trusted. She was to come back with them, and call me to pick her up if anything went off plan. She rode off with them at 7:30pm.

At 3am, she asked me to come pick her up an hour away from our house at Ks house. When I got there, K asked me to let her have sleepovers in the future. In the car, I demanded to understand why she didnt stick to the plan, and what happened?

She told me the couple abandoned her, and she ended up getting a ride to B’s house with J and K. Just then, her phone lit up with texts from K talking about how good she felt and how wet she was. She immediately revised the story that K was all over her on the car ride and said that when they got to B’s house, she went up to use the bathroom. When she came out, the lights were off and she screamed. B and J apparently didnt like that and threw her and K out. K drove her to K’s house and that where I picked her up.

I blew up and we fought and i involved her mother and things went to shit for a month. We stopped socializing, she begged me to stay. I acquiesced. Wanted the relationship. Fairly sure she ended things with J to retain me.

Years went by with nothing of the sort. There were small revelations when it came up, but she stuck largely to her story. We got married in 2019 and bought a house. We have a happy little life.

Except…. It comes up every couple of years and I slowly learn more and more.

P was apparently giving her money and then pinching her vagina over her clothes. Later he would stick his hands down her shorts and finger her.

After marriage, I learned that she got fingered by B and K at the same time in the back of that car, J drove, and I’m supposed to believe the rest of the story as told. Shes stuck to that.

ive since learned that J and her were meeting in private places at work to make out, and she apparently only got fingered those times as well. She acted like she was an unwilling participant who couldnt say no. Like he was pressuring her into it. How often? All the time!

But later, I learned that he would text her where, and she would go to him. After this revelation, it only happened 7 times that she could remember.

I learned this year, 10 years later that she did go on that boat, but made them turn it around and take her back.
I learned that they made out at her car before she got on the boat.
and that one time she went to the club to make out with him during his closing shift on a day off for her when I was working.

And that one time she sent him a nude. Which led to the discovery that when I learned texts were being deleted, all coms moved to snapchat.

And this past sunday I just learned that one time when they made out, her shorts were off. Because "he wanted to see my butt in the mirror while we made out".

Its like my world is blown open. Ive moved past this not knowing what really happened, and Im devastated. I thought we worked through this. I feel so fucking stupid. She says no sex ever happened with any of these people. Doesnt remember anything else. And of course, each time, Ive told you everything. Till the next time.

I really blew up this time. The character of how this was perceived by me has totally changed. But truly, I was just ignoring my gut and accepting her stories before. I dont know If Ill ever believe her again now. And for the first time, its actually hitting me.

We are doing infidelity workbooks and seeing a counseler. 2 sessions so far. Im disappointed, she isnt really talking in sessions much. She believes herself to be done with disclosure and I keep learning game changing information.

Im here for the long haul and love the shit out of this woman. I dont know how Im going to keep all my promises now. My home doesnt feel like a home, my marriage feels like a sham, and I feel worse than I did when my Dad died. My life feels over, and the parts I loved feel like a tacky lie.

Any advice, compassion, sharing, or thoughts is welcome and appreciated. Thank you for reading, thank you for caring.

I think a lot of us here can relate to how much this is hurting you. There’s some resources on this site you might benefit from checking out. Check out the healing library. It has some great info.

She’s been giving you a steady stream of trickle truth, which is really hard on you. It’s the difference between pulling the band aid off fast or slow. Trickle truth is torture. Not just because you get to have a lot of crappy days instead of one big crappy day, because it conditions you there is always more that’s being hidden.

Based on personal experience, unfortunately, I do think there’s more truth you have yet to receive from her. What does your gut tell you?

Have there been any red flags since the time she worked as a cart girl? Any times your gut told you something was off?

Side note. When I first came to this forum I heard a bunch of stuff I didn’t want to hear about my situation. I turned tail and ran and didn’t come back for a year. You may receive some uncomfortable questions and hear some uncomfortable opinions. The people who post here though have all gone through what you’re going through and they all want to spare you as much pain as possible. Use the forum to get an objective perspective from others and as a place to vent.

Maybe you won't like what I have to say, but you need to hear it. Your "wife" is a serial cheater, and doesn't consider you her "one and only." It's likely she never did. She used you, made you the butt of the joke with these guys that she was being sexual with (don't buy for a SECOND that nothing more happened, because the odds are really high she got spit-roasted at least once), and kept you in the dark for a decade. These are not the actions of someone who is protecting you, they're the actions of someone who protects themselves only.

I'm disgusted. Everything you wrote would have me leaving my wife without looking back. Do you have kids? If not, I think you should really consider leaving her. She doesn't deserve you.

I knew a girl just like this from 2002 to 2022. She would toy with men to get what she wanted, and I know for a fact that she would cheat on her boyfriends regularly. When she got married, she tried to pretend that she was some changed woman, but the conversations we had in those years between 2014 and 2022 made me certain that she hadn't changed. I feel bad for her husband, because he's a really nice guy. But she and I had a big falling out last year, and I've removed her from my life entirely. Your wife makes me think of this girl so much. They don't know how to truly commit themselves to one person, and they spend an entire lifetime engaging in deception and wearing facades of a personality.

Your wife is broken. Nothing you do will fix her. Nothing you do will undo the things she's done to hurt you. Her lies can't be untold, her sexuality that she gave away to other men while pretending to be faithful to you can't be taken back. I really do encourage you to seek some space immediately. Go stay with a friend. Give yourself at least a week to think over what you know, what you don't know, and if you can be comfortable living a life knowing that there's likely a lot she's keeping from you, and will probably never tell you if she doesn't have to.

I'm sorry for speaking this way, but your wife is a bad person. She tricked you into marriage under false pretenses. Your entire foundation is a lie.

[This message edited by Icedover84 at 6:58 PM, Tuesday, March 19th]

I’m sorry you’re here ten years later. Obviously you haven’t yet healed. I agree with the others, if there’s no kids get out of there. She sounds like a highly deceptive damaged narc.

No kids.

I have reasonable certainty that all of the infidelity occurred in 2014. But not full certainty.

Before that, she was stuck to me like glue. Crazy about me. She hadnt ever had a job yet. When we moved out on our own, she finished school and I paid all our bills. It was tough. Finances were tight, fun was low, and when she started working in 2013, it was her first job. She hated working. Cried about not being together. Then, around march 2014, she loved going to work. And it stayed that way till about december of that year. All that male attention went to her head. Her grandmother, who she loved, and who loved her, was a bedridden stroke victim, slowly dying at her moms house. Her favorite family member. She died in december 2014. End of that month we had to change rental houses. It was a hard time, all that space with the infidelity in the middle.

I told her I figured she was more invested in what she had going on on the down low and wanted her to have an honest look at whether she loved me. She claims the death of her grandmother and me disputing her loving me and asking her if we should wrap things up led to her changing her ways.

I have access to her emails, journals, etc. nothing but prayers to make me happy. Memorandums of special times weve shared. A good catalog of her true investment in me, of us.

In 13 years, she never once told me no to sex.

Just one 9 month period of absolute bullshit where it seems she couldnt tell anyone else no either.

And now shes lied to me for a decade, yes, and probably is still lying. Which, of course she denies.

I cant leave her. Its not in me. I just want her to set fire to all the lies, come clean and come back to my arms.

Id say she did terrible things, to me, to us. But shes not a bad person. Shes my favorite person. The one I chose.

[This message edited by 5bluedrops at 8:32 PM, Tuesday, March 19th]

Saying you can’t leave her probably means you’ll never get the full truth. In most people’s stories around here, it’s not until the WS truly believes that they will be left if they don’t cough it up. Otherwise they will minimize as much as they have to until they feel you are placated enough.

The oldest most truest saying around here and other boards is, "You must be willing to lose the marriage in order to save it."

If I was in your shoes I would first steel myself to the above statement. I would tell her that she’s not going to get another chance to come clean, but if she does you will have something to work with. I would tell her you will need a written timeline of what all happened. Of course since it’s been so long, exact dates I don’t think can be held to. But actions, she’s never forgotten, no matter how many times you hear "I don’t remember." I would also let her know there’s going to be a polygraph after you get the timeline.

Whatever you do. Do not make empty promises. Do not give an ultimatum that you aren’t fully ready to carry out.

And now shes lied to me for a decade, yes, and probably is still lying. Which, of course she denies.

I cant leave her. Its not in me. I just want her to set fire to all the lies, come clean and come back to my arms.

Id say she did terrible things, to me, to us. But shes not a bad person. Shes my favorite person. The one I chose.

I can empathize with a lot of what you are feeling and experiencing. I had "red flags in real time" that started eating at me decades later. I was lied to, gaslit and trickle truthed as well. The "truth" was WAY worse than I ever expected. I was also resolved to stay with "my person" no matter what. She was a "good person" who did bad things. Read my story on my profile for the awful, gory details.

As bad as all the cheating was and is, it’s the lying that is killing us. She lied to me NOW about what she did then. How can I trust her now? Without trust, there is no relationship.

She’s not really the "person I chose". THAT person couldn’t do these things repeatedly and lie about them. What is the definition of a "bad person"? One who willfully harms others. What is more harmful to a person than cheating and being betrayed?

OhItsYou gave you great advice. WS withhold the truth because they believe "you can’t handle the truth" and they know if you get the truth, you are likely to leave. What motivation do they have to be truthful?

You know at a minimum your wife had inappropriate relationships with at least 5 people. These were physical affairs in that she has admitted to fondling, making out and digital penetration. Do you REALLY believe it ended there? Her bottoms were off because he wanted to look at her butt while they made out? She let a man and woman finger her simultaneously while another man watched from the front seat? One man was so cold as to feel her up and kiss her while YOU stood there and watched? What do you think REALLY happened? If they are that brazen with you there, what is going on in private? This isn’t middle school. Adults don’t stop at 3rd base. Odds are full on sex with these 5 and no telling how many more you aren’t even aware of.

If so, are you REALLY going to be OK with all that? If so and you never get the truth and you are determined to stay, can you live with "wondering what the truth of your life is" for the rest of your life?

Again from personal experience, that is like having a dead elephant in the room and you throw a sheet over it. Even if you can ignore the bulk of it lying in the room, at some point the stench is going to overwhelm you.

Sorry you are going through this.

The problem is that because of trickle truth all this time, your mind will be on overdrive. You will keep analyzing and look for holes and you will likely not ever believe her 100% anymore.

And are you really ready to stay if she comes clean 100%? Can you really put all this behind you? it is tough.

[This message edited by techie49 at 9:23 PM, Tuesday, March 19th]

I cant leave her. Its not in me. I just want her to set fire to all the lies, come clean and come back to my arms.

And therein lies the rub. Like programmerscsay, garbage in... garbage out. I feel for you OP, but much of your pain is self inflicted in the sense that it is driven by inaction. Your WW has you down. She know exactly what you will and will not do.

You need to educate yourself on every facet of infidelity in order to develop a sense of personal agency. Read every post, especially Mr. Fibble. His WW lied and minimized and trickle truthed, but he handled it like a boss. Full disclosure, I did not until much later.

Infidelity sucks, but death by a thousand cuts, man that's a hard road.

Obviously I dont believe the preposterous story.

Its insulting that she thinks I would. Enraging.

Im not upset about the sex acts. But Im upset she wont give me the dignity of her admitting them. Im upset about the lying, gaslighting. How she protected these dudes, hugged them in front of me, pretending we were mutual friends, as every joke I told failed to land and every one they told was at my expense while she shrugged. And an insane double standard of jealousy. Seriously, as we are going through this shit this month, she gets angry and jealous over servers in restaurants. Women she thinks i would think are attractive.
But I only have eyes for her.

When all this was happening back in 2014, if an attractive woman entered a restaurant or bar we were in, i would know because shed start studying my face to see if I would dare to look. And more than once, we would have to pay and leave, on the spot. Which I did, to placate the little babies feelings.

But, actually, Theres no point at which I could learn some sex thing she did that would faze me. I offered her, free and clear when I first caught wind, for her to sow her oats if she needed to get it out of her system, as long as we both understood what was happening. I can handle it. She cried and said she only wanted me. Which was a load of crap, obviously. She actually feared what she was doing to me happening to her.

I have counseling with her tomorrow. You all have given me some much needed food for thought.

if an attractive woman entered a restaurant or bar we were in, i would know because shed start studying my face to see if I would dare to look. And more than once, we would have to pay and leave, on the spot. Which I did, to placate the little babies feelings.

She was likely projecting her own character (a cheater) onto you. She did it, so assumed you would as well.

You want the truth, which is a REQUIREMENT for any kind of true healing & reconciliation. Your first job is to insist on that point with her. To that end, demand she *write* a complete timeline of EVERYTHING she can remember. It’s ludicrous to think she’s forgotten cheating on you - that has a way of not fading with time. Tell her she has 48 hours to do so.

I would have her then give you a copy, but she *reads* the timeline to you. Study her face.

Next, tell her she will sit for a polygraph and will be asked whether the timeline is fully truthful, and fully complete to disclose EVERYTHING she’s done sexually with others since you two were "exclusive". Have the examiner also ask her specifically if she’s had ANY sexual contact (examiner will define that) with anyone else not listed in the timeline.

Now here’s the kicker: you MUST be prepared to walk if she refuses. Stand your ground. I expect her to cave, unless she knows with certainty she will fail the poly. In that case, there’s likely an iceberg under the water line you don’t know about - and why would you be so insistent on staying with a woman you don’t really even know if that’s the case.

If you don’t have the determination to get to the truth this way, your situation will never change. This will eat at you the rest of your life. Do enough reading of infidelity forums and you’ll see plenty of examples of folks in their 70’s in every bit of pain despite it being 30+ years prior. THAT’s what happens when you don’t get the truth, and therefore you don’t heal. Is that what you want for the rest of your life?

And the ironic thing is that doing the above is the BEST chance you have at saving your M. Now the ball’s in your court. What will you do?

So heres my super complete and truthful Im sure formal disclosure my WW cooked up for me.

"I’m sorry I cheated and lied to you for 10 years and caused you so much pain and now you don’t feel safe

I started working as a cart girl in the fall of 2013. I always wanted to be the prettiest, most desirable girl. I would get jealous when other girls got attention. When J gave attention to another girl, I wanted it. 
I let him smack my butt. He asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said yeah but he thinks it’s hot if I get with other guys (another lie/misrepresentation). He would find excuses to touch me that I did not rebuff, such as rubbing my back and shoulders.

In the winter of 2013, Mr. P started buying me drinks. When the weather got warmer in the Spring of 2014, he fingered me multiple times in exchange for money. Sometimes he would pinch me and it hurt. I didn’t like that. I confided in J about him fingering me which I believe caused emotional attachments to form. 

In the Spring of 2014, this progressed to several secret make out/fingering sessions in the cart barn, once in the liquor closet (making out), beer trailer (fingering), and men’s locker room (making out). One time in the cart barn, we were making out and he asked me to pull my shorts down so he could see my butt. I caught a glimpse of us in the mirror and was revolted when I saw how cheap I was. At the end of April 2014, I emailed (counseler) because of my guilty conscience but never followed through. 

When the sports club opened in May of 2014, I asked (boss) if I could work down there with him. He said, no way, what about BH?

On a Tuesday in June 2014 (I believe it was probably the 17th), J and B invited me to go on a boat with them. I asked BH and he said no but I went anyways. We kissed at my car when I arrived. As soon as we got out on the boat, I got scared. I asked them to take me back and they did. I told them that if BH ever found out he would kill them. I knew he wouldn’t really but I was trying to make sure he didn’t find out. 

In what I think was July of 2014, BH and I were at Mr. H’s house and he grabbed me from behind, put his hands on my breasts and abdomen, and kissed my neck. He was staring BH down and I was looking at him as well. This ended when BH took me away. 

J once asked me about going to a hotel and I said no. I didn’t like anything that made me see it for what it was. 

I believe on a Monday probably in the late summer of 2014 (maybe August), he asked me to come see him when he was closing, I went to him and we made out. When he proceeded to go down and kiss me over my shorts, I left. That was starting to feel too far for me. 

On Monday, September 15th, I went to (night club name) with (trusted friend) and (fiance). I did not leave with them like I told BH that I would. I left with J, K, and B. K and B fingered me in the back of J’s car on the way back to their house. When we got there, I went up to use the bathroom. When I came out, the bedroom was dark and that scared me because the light had been on when I went in. I screamed and they kicked me out. K took me back to her house and proceeded to try to fool around with me until BH picked me up.
When BH took me to the club to get my ID the next day, (trusted friend) was very cold and short with me. Very shortly thereafter, I asked J why she was acting like that. He proceeded to tell me he’d told her about us making out before. That infuriated me because I already was afraid she suspected of fooling around after she had come down to the cart barn one day and my face was red because I had just made out with him.

When BH found our text messages, I deleted them and got Snapchat for private communication. J asked me to send him a picture of my breasts and I acquiesced. He sent me a pic of him in his briefs.

One night when BH and I were having sex, he said he thought I didn’t love him any more. This upset me deeply and very shortly thereafter I had a conversation with J about it in his car after a dinner shift. I told him we couldn’t do this any more for that reason. This coincided with when Meme passed away in December of 2014. It further solidified my desire to make sure I ended it because I didn’t want her to look down from Heaven and see me in that light.

I have never had oral or vaginal sex with anyone other than BH since I met him in 2011."

Ill be sharing this in counseling tommorrow.
If I subject her to a polygraph on this and she passes, do I just accept that? Would you?

If she passed a poly I would probably believe her. Independent of that, it's a little hard to believe she did not go further with all those opportunities. Possible but unlikely. Either way, it's infidelity if you two were exclusive at the time.

From what I can tell, she told you everything you already knew more or less. I tend to think there’s more to the story.

To be honest, I lost track of the sexual encounters she had with how many people over the nine months but I suspect it’s more than most people have in nine years. Two things. If that’s really it, she must have the self esteem of a speed bump. Second, what in the world makes you think that stopped ten years ago? Apparently all someone needs to do is make a crude demand and she is all in. I don’t believe for a second that it all magically stopped one day. There is something really wrong with this woman who apparently was quite willing to act like a cheap prostitute (she liked the money apparently) while keeping you in the dark. She is in real need of a good psychological expert. If you don’t dig in on this you are letting yourself in for another decade of misery.

You are getting a lot of good advice here, take what you can use, leave what you can't.

my marriage feels like a sham

Because it is, at least from one side.

shes lied to me for a decade

Those lies are the beginning and the end of the cheating in the marriage. It isn't the sex, it is the lies, the manipulation of the trusting partner. My wife had an affair for a few short weeks, but after D-Day I discovered she'd been lying to me about important things since the day we met.

What lay behind that was a mountain to unpack.

she gets angry and jealous over servers in restaurants

She doesn't trust them because of her behavior. It isn't them, or you, it is her.

She needs serious long term IC before she can be a safe partner. You should also get IC, because you are going to need someone as a sounding board. You can't trust her.

I’m not in your shoes, and I’m not in her mind, but I would think you would be getting a parking lot confession if you scheduled and showed up to a polygraph. It sounds like that’s the only way you’ll feel like you have the truth anyway.

I would probably feel the same way as you do right now. Make sure to make a point that you’re going to schedule the polygraph with an examiner that also gives a blood test before the test. Checks to see if there are any drugs in her system that would help her lie and pass. So that could add some weight to her if she starts googling "how to beat a polygraph"

I do also concur that she needs some serious IC long term. You should really think long and hard if this is the life you want.

Last night was rough. She saw me tapping away on here on my phone and wanted to know what I was working on. I told her Id found a new place to hopefully get advice on our situation. She wanted to read the thread, know which site. I refused. Shes freaking out, saying Im hiding things from her, why cant she know, etc. accusing me of being secretive about this for revenge, calling it tit for tat.

I told her, "no, youve got it all wrong. Tit for tat would be if I made new friends who were all girls and started fooling around on you with them, while they pretended to not know while they socialized with you, joking about what a cuck you are."

I bid her to make a formal statement of disclosure. She had been working on it for weeks, but the change in power dynamics between us got her motivated and she finished it, read it, and emailed it to me.

I had a flash of hope but its just everything shes already said. I revealed my plan to subject her to a polygraph testing this disclosure.

She twisted in agony the rest of the night. Accused me of taking pleasure in this. Called me sick. Called her father who regularly has to take polygraphs for NSA work, who hates them. She expected him to talk her out of agreeing to it, but he didnt. So she was disappointed, crestfallen, and frightened. Took to googling polygraph accuracy and things like "my husband wants me to take a lie detector test".

In bed, I stroked her shoulders and tried to calm her down. She said, "you are going to leave me, I know it. You are changing, getting further away, your shutting down on me, and I dont understand why I cant know what you said to those people online! I thought we were supposed to be transparent."

I said, "I did not choose this. I didnt want it. Im trying as hard as I can not to leave you. I cant do this alone. I felt the same way you are feeling now, and you werent this upset as I cried and begged you for the truth for this whole month."

We cuddled, she wept, and we slept.

We will talk about it tonight with the MC.

She said, "you are going to leave me, I know it. You are changing, getting further away, your shutting down on me,

I think she’s referring to what would happen if she took the polygraph. It’s clear there’s more and she’s scared because she either refuses the polygraph which is telling, or she gives you the whole truth. My guess is she will say she doesn’t want to take it. Not because she’s hiding anything, but because your relationship needs to be built on trust and faith. Or she’ll talk about the way having to take the test would make her feel like a lowlife. Some version of that’s coming your way.

You may want to let her know one of the questions will focus on any I cheating since that cart girl time. Look at her reaction.

I asked before, since she had that job have there been any times your guy has told you something was off? Like others have said, it seems like magical thinking that she would do this for a short time and then just turn the behavior off. She was very thirsty for the validation then. Why couldn’t she be now?

Every guy my wife said she only kissed while we were dating ended up being a lie, 5 or 6 only kisses were 5 or 6 fucks. I found out after ten years of marriage and two kids later, still grossed out and in shock to this day.