SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I had heard the term ‘silent divorce’ before but had never really understood what it meant. I looked it up today as I’m not doing the best ATM and found out that is what I had before my WH affair.

Like WTF am I actually trying ti save here. We already had a shitty marriage and now there is an affair to throw in the mix. Seriously think I’m just wasting my life right now.

My therapist said to me in a session once ‘sometimes the shit really has to hit the fan’ before we realise we need to do something. Maybe it’s just to late for that now 😣

It’s not too late for you to uncover what’s right for you. To strengthen your relationship with who you are, what you want, what you need, who you want to be.

Same for your ws. If you both want the same things you can have a better marriage and if not, it’s not too late to make the moves you need to in order to have the life you want.

We had a good marriage that was deteriorating pre A. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s worse that he believed everything was great- but the worst affair is always the one that impacts you.

Is trial separation a possibility?

My therapist said to me in a session once ‘sometimes the shit really has to hit the fan’ before we realise we need to do something. Maybe it’s just to late for that now 😣

My therapist framed it differently. She said that most people have to hit rock bottom before they will take the necessary steps to improve themselves by working on their issues. So in that regard, would it be a safe assumption that you hate your situation enough that it's time to work on change. Hikingout is right, it's never too late to work on bettering your life.

There are sooooo many reasons we do what we do.

Looking back I should have D my H during it after his first EA (that I now suspect was more than an EA) when he refused to admit it. I knew it was going on and I warned him to watch himself as it was very obvious the OW was very interested in him.

He lied about it, gaslit me, stonewalled etc. it finally ended and was completely rugswept.

This made it much easier to have his second affair. And yet I was still trying to Reconcile while he continued to cheat during the second affair. It was a bad situation as he was kicking me ti the curb for the much younger OW.

My H was never on time, never respected my request to let me know when he would be late. 20 or more years of "I’ll be home at 11 pm" and he’d walk in the door at 2 am without thinking he did anything wrong.

I don’t know what happened specifically but dday2 of affair 2 was the day I decided I’d had enough. And I did something about it. And I took back all my power and he could no longer control anything. He had no ability to say or do anything that involved me.

And during the first few years of R I addressed everything with him and made him discuss all of it, instead of hiding from it or avoiding it.

Yes I should have did it years sooner. But at least I did something.

I hope this helps you.