SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It has been over two years since D day. I knew she was still lying and told her I needed a polygraph to prove she has been honest, she has told me all along that she told me everything but once the polygraph deadline got closer more truths came out. I thought once I knew everything I would be good but she failed the polygraph! I thought she told me everything before the polygraph, she says she did tell me everything but here we are! I think I’m done, 62 yrs old and I’m looking at a new life? Is this really where I am at

When you feel you're done, you're done.
Some people take months to get there, some people take years to get there.
There is no easy answer.
You will know when you get there.
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
At our age, life is supposed to get easier, we don't need this screwing it up.

DBN: Awful that you are going through this. The 'golden years' should be nothing but fun. For whatever it is worth, I might be done too and I'm older than you are.

[This message edited by icangetpastthis at 4:13 AM, Saturday, January 11th]

Welcome to SI and I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. I want to point out the Healing Library, which has a lot of great resources. I was 55 when XWH (wayward ex-husband) had his PA (physical affair). I wasn't expecting it at this stage in my life. I'll be 62 in a few months.

When did I know that it was time to go? When I realized he was never going to be a safe partner. The pain of staying was greater than the pain of leaving.

Another question that somebody brought up really made me think. What if you live another 20-30 years. Do you want to spend the time being treated the way you are today?

The first year of two were rough trying to adjust to my situation, but I'm so much happier now. I don't have to walk on egg shells, I can do what I want. I'm content and happy on my own. Plus, I've had so many new adventures and made lots of new friends.

Ordinarily, people know when they're done. Most of us would be done immediately after a failed poly. I think I would be done if I continued to believe my fWW was still lying to me; I wouldn't need a poly.

But your W has TT'ed ('trickled truthed') you for over 2 years AND failed a poly.

What's keeping you in your M? What are you hoping for? What are you getting from your M? I ask because something is keeping you with a W who lies to you. If you figure that out, you can make decisions about the true value of what you're getting. That will make your stay/go decision a lot easier.

I remember the pain of living with my W while she was lying (during her A), and I'm very sorry you're in this situation.

I pulled the plug at about 50. I gave it 6ish months and the realized my WW was never going to change. Could she remain faithful? Probably, but what she could never do is become the type of partner I needed and more importantly, deserved.

When we separated, I found that my life became easier as I was no longer subsidizing her shortcomings. Yeah, there were the challenges of being a single parent, but parenting was easier without her than with her. She really did suck the oxygen out of the room.

I do look back on my decision to end the M and I try to consider what my life would be like with my WW. I just don't think I'd be living a good life. I'd be existing, and that's just not enough.

Anyway, I've been on my own for 6 years now, and after processing and grieving for a time, I'd say I'm doing okay, and okay is a pretty good place to be. I hope you find your authentic path. Good luck.

Continued lies would be the final straw for me. I am struggling with this exact question but as far as I know I don’t feel like there are lies being told. Just lack of effort into reconciliation due to constant anger and negativity. Even more than 5 years out and we are members of the mad hatters club so but he can only focus on the damage I caused and not his own. This is an awful place to be. So sorry you are struggling