SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

After finding out 2 months ago that my husband was having an EA, I asked for full transparency. I found out the night before Thanksgiving when he didn't get home from being out until 12:20 am. I found messages on his Facebook and he lied about the whole thing. That whole Thanksgiving weekend he claimed he did it then 4 days later after a couples therapy session where he was told to tell the whole truth he admitted to hanging out with her more than the times he originally admitted to. I told him to change all his passwords back, he had previously changed them a few weeks prior for the first time in 14 years when the girl asked him to join snapchat. I never thought anything of it. I hadn't snooped ever either. Now all trust is broken. I felt better when he changed things back and supposedly cut contact but when I checked his phone a week or so later I found a text to his father hiding the relationship. It turned into a huge fight saying I wasn't respecting his privacy. I said he lost the privilege when he lied and betrayed me. We've been back and forth since. Some days are okay, some actually good and some we argue. The other day he saw that she had been messaging me. Since I asked her to cut off communication she has reached out multiple times claiming she's sorry, she was told it was all okay. He looked at my phone and saw it and stormed off. So apparently fine for him to look at mine but I can't look at his. I did look and saw an obnoxious message from his cousin cheering on the fact that he got in trouble for talking to a 29 year old. We had a fight, he changed his password again. We had an okay weekend but I was suspicious of his whereabouts today. When I got home I noticed he again changed all his passwords on the computer as well. I don't know what to do. I told him full transparency. Do I bring it up? Talk about it in therapy tomorrow? Kick him out? I'm so frustrated. If you have nothing to hide, prove it. I have no issues with him looking at my messages, even the ones she sends me. I have a feeling he's hiding more than he's letting on. Help!

You want us to tell you how to change him into a different person than who he is, correct?

A password change is a red flag. Multiple password changes...truthfully - I have a feeling you have hit the tip of a very big iceberg.

What you do is fully up to you. My gut feeling is that since you do have therapy tomorrow (not sure if solo or for both of you) but that would be a safe and good space to discuss things.

If solo - that will help you get your thoughts together (pro tip - jot some notes down tonight so you can have talking points quasi organized)

If together - that would be a good and safe place to flat out state your conditions [full transparency, NC, passwords, etc.]

Him whining about his loss of privacy, etc. is straight from the Cheater's handbook and he will squeal worse than a teenager who parents came in his room without knocking and found [insert something punish-worthy here]

Now - my 2 cents - stop talking to her. She's whining her good time got busted and making the requisite lame ass excuses straight from the cheater's handbook. Trying to save her own ass. NC should be for both of you. Have at attorney send Little Miss Thing a Cease and Desist letter.