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Newest Member: Ali13t

Divorce/Separation :
broken heart

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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 5:50 PM on Sunday, December 14th, 2025

What is missing IMHO is what YOU want.
We know he want’s back. We know that you have deducted that because he didn’t file himself then maybe he still loves you.
BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I would ask your attorney the following:
Are post-nups legal in the UK, and how do they work. Quick google indicates they are...

If your husband truly was willing to work towards saving the marriage, then he might be willing to sign whatever proposition your attorney had ready back in April. Your attorney could hold on to that and not file it unless you ask him to do so. That – or/and a post-nup might give you the confidence you need to possibly attempt reconciliation.


At the same time. If you are a "normal" couple with a house, mortgage, debts and some assets... there really isn’t any way he can make divorce a drawn-out multi-year process. Get your attorney to confirm that, but I’m guessing that from the day you say go (file) until you are free of him in most aspects is maybe a year. Probably less.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 13512   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8884269
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Muggle ( member #62011) posted at 10:23 PM on Monday, December 15th, 2025

When a man comes back it's rarely because he suddenly realized he loves you. It's because KARMA arrived, and you were the safest option available. He missed how easy it was to be with you. He wants to be forgiven for shit he wasn't interested in changing when he knew he was causing you and your son pain and confusion.

His ego has taken a blow, he's scrambling now to fix what he broke. I would suspect his intentions might not be rooted in love but more in desperation. His fantasy blew up and now he is facing the consequences of his actions. Ask yourself how much he cared when he was somewhere else with someone else? If you can honestly say he appeared to not care enough to stop then what's to say he won't do it again.

Taking them back is a personal choice only you can make. Once they learn that you will forgive them, then they know you may do it again. Now he's lonely, confused and crawling back. Perhaps she cut it off. You won't know the real circumstances as he may lie to avoid admitting the truth. He likely hasn't changed, he just wants to go home where it's safe. YOU are that safety. Does he deserve that?

Maybe she didn't want to put up with him, or she realized if he did it to you he could do the same to her. Would he forgive you if the tables were turned?

My advise would be to trust your gut. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, and I took the path of forgiveness and he proceeded to do it over and over again. Each time was worse.

A man that isn't faithful is the same as being alone. Make the decision that is best for you, but do so with the mindset that your efforts may be in vain, and if he does it again, he will hide it better. You will always be looking over your shoulder waiting for it to happen again. If he's not willing to get therapy, and be 100% transparent until he earns your trust (if ever) it will be a hard road to travel for you.

You have my prayers. I 1000% understand what you are feeling.

posts: 427   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2017   ·   location: WA
id 8884338
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