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How did you handle this day? I feel like I am already a huge mess and going over every text in my head that I know was happening on this exact day last year. My husbands EA was shirt, he worked with her at a second job a few times a month and only text with her for about 3 weeks, 2 that became inappropriate. They had been working closely together for about 3 months leading up to finally starting to text. I have all the phone records, proof and text and from their text that it never got physical.

There has been zero contact since I found out, he quit the job and has been remorseful and 1000% transparent. I still have a lot of anger some days though and don’t know how I will handle d day. It is also my birthday in a few days and he was in the thick of texting during this time period so I honestly don’t even want to celebrate.

This past year honestly has been great, we have grown closer, put more effort into us, fought less besides breakdowns about the EA, gone on more getaways, I just sometimes get pissed bc I don’t know why it took her to make us better.

I am just ready for the pain to go away and the thought of her to go away. We do live in the same town but luckily neither of us have ran into her.

Any advice on how you handled d day anniversary? Together? Self care day? In bed crying? Celebrating you fought together and made it to the year mark?

I was always worse in the days leading up to the Dday anniversary than the actual day.

If he has been making amends and really focused in the marriage, hopefully he recognizes the day and apologizes yet again.

If that is the case he’s a good person and hopefully you can move past the negative and get through the day without feeling so sad and focusing on the past.

I hope this helps you.

He is definitely recognizing it and has been since he knew it was approaching. We have had many conversations and he is being hyper sensitive to understand my emotions and the ups and downs that are already coming and might get worse.

I hope the anticipation is worse than the day.

Tell him. Talk to him about how you appreciate his efforts, how you're sad that it took an A to make you better, etc. Let him know that you're struggling with all the thoughts of what was happening last year. How your body remembers this, even when you don't want to.

My FWH was great. When I told him I was struggling he took the initiative to find things we could do together on that day. He provided me with distractions. He still does now....whether I'm struggling with something A related or just something else in my world. I did an enormous amount of self care leading up to the day. There is a saying my 20 yr old son uses... "airport rules". Airport rules means, if you need a cookie for breakfast, you get it. If you need to drink a beer at 8am because you're not sure what time zone you're in....you get it. If buying something small makes you smile, you get it. Go full on airport rules with yourself. Do whatever, whenever, however you need to get through the day. Treat yourself with grace and kindness.

For me, the lead up was worse than the actual day. I was pleasantly surprised. Hang in there.

I love the "airport rules" will definitely be using that!

Well wasn’t what I thought it would be. Leading up to it was the worst, had some bad days, lots of things I just wanted to go back over and he was 100% okay with that. I woke up on D day and decided that I wanted to celebrate our progress of the year, set goals for the next year and put AP out of my head as much as possible, there are no more dates on the calendar that she is memory of that I can say "well last year at this time" I want to focus on us. I got mimosas, we made brunch together, enjoyed our day, made dinner with our kids and watched our favorite family show together. Hoping for a great year of new memories, healing and forgiveness.

[This message edited by Emotionalaffair24 at 12:38 AM, Tuesday, January 28th]

I'm glad you had a good day, but this irks me:

Leading up to it was the worst, had some bad days, lots of things I just wanted to go back over and he was 100% done with that.

It's perfectly fine to set boundaries, such as particular times that he's available for A talk, but to shut it down completely would be a dealbreaker for me. You get to decide your boundaries, of course.

OMG this is an autocorrect typo, it is supposed to say he was 100% OKAY with that. We talked for hours leading up to the day about everything I wanted to. He has never not talked to me when I wanted to or answered the same question 100 times.