SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Pardon my typo errors if there are any…

Found out again that my H contacted his AP 2 weeks ago —— because he was stressed!!!

I knew something was odd couple days ago and I have a gut feeling that he is into something again.

And then last night, yes! Last night! I was browsing his phone and BOOM!!! There is an unfamiliar # asking him to log in into some kind of messaging app that I don’t know even exists!

I tried to search the app and it I have to download it from his phone again.

And when I log in, there you have it! The only messages I retrieve was 2 days prior! Of course, they exchange ILY and IMY and that how can I forget you some type of BS!

After reading all the messages (I was literally shaking while reading), I couldn't control my temper, I slammed everything that I can see! I woke up my H and confronted him right there! Of course, initially, he denied it again. I showed him the messages and he admitted right away.

Saying that he was just lying to her, he just want someone to talk to because he was stressed. All this kind of BS!!!!

I wanted to confront the AP because clearly she still wants my H and she is trying to do everything again to stay in contact with him, knowing 100% that they are both married!

I fucking don't know anymore!

Yes, I did cry out of anger but I do not feel any pain in my heart. It was numb but again I am furious! Fuming! Like WTF? The moment I found out he dropped her again like a hot potato? I do feel sorry for the AP at one point but I asked myself WHY SHOULD I?

They are both in the wrong —- AGAIN! I will try to contact the AP’s spouse and see if he wanted to meet up this time!

I don’t know I might just be saying this out of anger! Gggrrrrr!!!!!!

I just need to vent out!!!!!!!! I need to let this frustation & anger out or I might be soon getting a heart attack!!!!!

Ugh!!! WHY?! WHY THE HELL MAN!!!!

[This message edited by NotTheSameAnymore at 11:31 AM, Saturday, January 25th]

Vent away! You have been heard!

What BS! There are lots of legitimate ways to relieve stress without contacting your AP! Being stressed is just an excuse. He needs to be in IC to figure out his brokenness! He needs to take action to show you he wants to try and rebuild trust! Don't worry about the AP.

Contact her spouse. He deserves to know the truth. Always value yourself! Set your boundaries with your WH and be firm.

Do you want to live like this the rest of your life? He is either in your marriage, or not. You have some decisions to make. And I don’t buy that "stress" excuse. He wanted the contact so he got it. Too bad if it upsets you. Do not let another person cause you this much stress. It can harm you.

Fareast:

Thank you! Will definitely find a way to contact her spouse.

Cooley2here:

Honestly, NO. I really don’t want to live like this. If I can only go straight to the lawyer right to file a divorce I would but I cannot due to prior commitments we have made and if we backed out right now, I can face some legal matters.
This sucks!!!

Honestly, NO. I really don’t want to live like this. If I can only go straight to the lawyer right to file a divorce I would but I cannot due to prior commitments we have made

Read up on the 180. Then do it.

He’s not contacting the OW because he is stressed. He’s contacting her because he wants to lie and cheat. He’s not lying to the OW. He’s lying to you! 😡😡😡

The hard 180 is not there to stop the affair. It is there to shield you from this nightmare you cannot escape.

I did the hard 180 while I was planning to D my H. Because dday2 opened my eyes. 👀. And I decided I wasn’t going to live under a black cloud of infidelity and fear and pain and lack of trust another second.

In short order I didn’t speak to my H unless my kids were around. I wasn’t in the same room with him unless kids were around. I didn’t do his laundry. I didn’t buy food for him. I didn’t do any favors or errands or anything he needed.

I told him he had to leave. I think he thought at that point he was still in control of everything. 😂😂 ROFLMAO because he didn’t realize he lost all of his power.

I started telling him what was going to happen. I didn’t allow him to discuss anything about our future. We had no future.

I finally stopped being a doormat and put myself first. I needed to D him b/c I needed to stop living with a lying cheating spouse who kept running back to the OW.

While we have reconciled and are happy, we have a different marriage now. He knows I will walk out the door and there are no more chances.

I hope this helps you put some distance between you and your H while you decide what you want.

PS - tell the OW’s husband. He deserves to know. Don’t tell your H you are contacting him. But if he finds out it’s b/c he’s still speaking to the OW.

PSS - I demanded a post nup agreement to even consider R. I made sure I was financially protected if we D.

PSS - don’t help him with R. Let him prove to you he’s all in on you & the marriage. Leading him down the R path is a mistake IMO.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 8:50 AM, Sunday, January 26th]

Thank you 1stwife. This helps. I’ve been reading your posts as well.

If you don’t mind asking you this? How did you end up reconciling?
How did you forgive him? How did you decide to give that chance again when he cheated twice?

As for me, I am doing the hard 180 now.
I am ready to do it. I am not going to be a doormat as well.