SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Is his company fearful of a sexual harassment lawsuit if the affair ends and it’s him that end it?

Is he a supervisor or boss of this co-worker? If so, that could be a problem.

Is there a rumor going around about the affair at his job?

Will he be fired if the affair comes to light to his his boss or other people in the company?

I hope there are answers to these questions. He may have more to worry about than he thinks.

New things won't bring it back the way it was. Everything's changed now. I wanted my happy life back too. There's no sadness from him, just a shoot, now we're caught, oh well....

Mine said he was glad I found out. Did that stop him? No. More texts, more talking, more meet ups while I was gone.

How easy he could switch the two of you into his daily life. Wants the comfortable pattern but doesn't mind who he plugs into the spot to be there.

I doubt you'll get any truth. It took me three more years of watching, listening and thinking about the past to get a clear picture. Do you want to spend the time because it's a slow heartbreak. He wants you to get past this as soon as possible. He will lay low and make a half hearted attempt is my guess. Your hope to fix things will fill in the gap where his sincere trying should be.

Don't blame the dogs. It's him your Anger should be directed at. Mine was pushing back, blaming me....don't accept any of that. Keep saying that's bs...

If you're strong and don't allow him to manipulate, my guess is he wanders off to an easier life where he isn't under scrutiny.

I'm so sorry. It's awful when you find that your happy life is gone. Make a good dinner for yourself, then take your dogs out. Don't pamper that cheater. He's treating himself very well indeed. No gratitude, no remorse, no empathy. You are seeing below the surface now. It's your choice now. You choose.

A gentle 2 x 4:

I know I have to heal my feelings towards them.

^^^It's NOT the dogs, it's your cheating husband. Dogs will gladly go on a walk with almost anyone. WHY would your feelings change toward them? I've been a dog lover/rescuer almost my entire life, I cannot ever image feeling resentment toward my dogs or any pet.

Please take the same care of your pets as you have in the past, and confront your cheating, lying husband who brought another woman into your home.

One of my children has the same name as the OW. For a few days,after dday, I couldn't say their name. I couldn't hear their name. After a few days,I snapped out of it. But,let's go easy on her about the dogs. Logically, she knows dogs are dogs,and her feelings towards them make no sense. She's a few days out. Shocked and deeply traumatized. It's ok that her feelings don't make sense right now. She loves her dogs. And,after the initial shock wears off,she will feel differently than she does now. She's not abusing them. She's just having a little trouble being around them. That will change quickly.

[This message edited by HellFire at 1:29 PM, Thursday, October 20th]

I suspect he will tell you there is no affair. That she is an abused wife,who needed to get away from her husband. That she's just a friend.

You seem super focused on getting his story. Understandable. But you seem to think he will tell you the truth. He won't. So his story doesn't matter. He's had days to delete evidence, get stories straight,etc. Thats why I suggested the polygraph.

Before I had kink pictures of her, I got the friend routine. She had him over to her house, trying him out as a replacement spouse. He was doing all kinds of home repair and chores. She was cooking for him and even gave him her husband's clothes. I think when people are in the home and playing spouse roles it has gone too far. Still they will lie and tell you what you felt, saw, heard was something else while in reality it was worse.

Thinking of you today, ThisIsMine, and hoping that you get some information that helps you move forward today. But mostly, I just wanted to say that I know the day of first confrontation over an affair is one of the worst days of anyone’s life. It is a trauma that takes years to heal from, if that ever happens.

We are all members of the same club that have gone through one version of this or another. So, with care and compassion, i just wanted to say that you have a lot of people out here silently sending you good thoughts and strength for whatever happens today. We’ll be here if you need us.

Huge hugs of strength and support to you. NW

Sending you strength

You’ve been on my mind today, too. As much as it sucks, know you have a crew behind you. Even if we are internet strangers, we are also kindred spirits. Stay strong!!

Bee thinking about you, hope your discussion was fruitful and your WH told the truth. I remember confronting my WH with undeniable proof, and he lied and lied and lied.

No matter what the outcome, please seek therapy for this trauma!

A huge hug....

The pain from such a traumatic discovery must be beyond unbearable.. I certainly understand the depths of anguish you must feel. My WW began a ten month affair with her work AP on the day after our fourth wedding anniversary.. that was just fifty years, five months and six days ago..and a half century lster, I still feel the deep pain. It really never goes away. You are damaged for life, and I have never since been able to trust any woman which has destroyed bidding relationships over multiple decades. Adulterers are such selfish, cruel, uncaring, terrible people.

[This message edited by OldBeachOwl at 10:37 PM, Friday, October 21st]

Thinking about you today. You have many people here pulling for you.

Hello @ThisIsMine How are you doing? I'm so sorry you're having to deal with the pain of betrayal and my heart goes out to you.
I know the days to come will be a roller coaster of emotions for you but just want to encourage you to stay strong and trust that there will be light for you at the end of this tunnel.
No matter what happens, you are worthy of love that can be trusted. Much hugs ))).

Please check in and let us know you are safe.

First off, I am so sorry!! To have another women I'm your home is beyond disrespectful. Take your time to heal. He may act like he's telling you the truth but he's most likely not. My husband did not have someone at our home or well not that I know of. But he kept lying and I kept finding out more and more until I finally just couldn't bare it anymore. Infidelity hurts. It has broke me... I will never understand how someone could do that to someone they love...

...he would bet his whole retirement ...

Great - put it in writing as a post nuptial agreement. Do it soon while he is still feeling defensive.

More on the post nup - if you make more money than he does you might end up on the losing side, financially, in a divorce. At a minimum, get a post nup that protects you in case of divorce for any reason, regardless of who files, or fault. Then you can just walk away. No proof necessary. Get a good lawyer to draft it and have him sign. If he won't sign, then you'll know where he stands.

Are you ok? Hopefully you are working on yourself and moving on without him for now. Check in when you can.

I hope you’re okay, ThatIsMine, and that you’re getting support IRL somewhere. Strength to you.

I found myself thinking about your initial post today and came back to see if you had updated after your confrontation. I hope that whatever is going on you are being well supported by family and friends. Hugs to you.