Possumlover (original poster new member #85336) posted at 2:28 PM on Friday, November 8th, 2024
Thank you sisoon for the post. Very interesting, I looked up limerence, as I had never heard of it. Thank you for the information.
Groot1988 ( member #84337) posted at 2:37 AM on Monday, November 11th, 2024
I love my husband.
I don’t have that fluttering feeling anymore of excitement, I don’t feel special anymore , and I don’t respect him like I used to.
I don’t know how to explain it but I know he is a flawed human like all of us but he hurt me deeper than I think anyone else can. He made me feel like nothing , lower than low and that isn’t love. When I was giving my all to him he kept taking and then giving to someone else.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be "in love" with him again, right now I’m striving to respect him and like him again and we will see what follows, maybe I’ll end up being ok with just that or maybe we will fall back in love again, I try to take it day by day.
He loves me more and I love him less now. Funny how that works.
Married 5 years (together 11) Four children Me Bs 36Him WH 35- 4 month PA Dday Oct 6- lots of TT final disclosure Jan 16.
"If we walk through hell we might as well hold hands, we should make this a home"- citizen soldier
Heartbrokenwife23 ( member #84019) posted at 3:53 AM on Monday, November 11th, 2024
I’ve been wanting to comment on this particular thread since you posted, but was trying to think of how I wanted to phrase my response. Here is my take on it.
I would say my entire life I had being "in love" as the highest calibre of love - there is no love more powerful right? However, infidelity has changed my perspectives (on so many things)… to me (now) being "in love" is to obsess over that initial affection and attention and how that makes you feel "in the moment." I think you can only truly love someone when these "butterfly feelings" are gone and you can appreciate who the person is standing in front of you, knowing they (like you) are a flawed human.
Loving someone isn’t necessarily a feeling to me, but an act of choosing to stay with someone regardless of having "lost" certain feelings. Even before my H’s A, I knew I wasn’t "in love" with him the way I used to be and I thought the towel might as well be thrown as I no longer possessed those butterfly feels. The love we had/have? for each other transitioned over the years to something more deeper and personal then "in love." My decision to stay and work on my M with my H is because (deep down somewhere) I know there is that deep love waiting to be rediscovered.
At the time of the A:
Me: BW (34 turned 35) Him: WH (37)
Together 13 years; M for 7 ("celebrated" our 8th) DDay: Oct. 12, 2023
3 Month PA with Married COW
