SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It happened almost 16 years ago. Our daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy. It wasn’t a fatal diagnosis, but for young parents with their first child, it felt like the worst thing that could happen. We were desperate and tried everything — hospitals, healers, esoteric practices, anyone who had gone through something similar.That’s how my wife ended up with this "clairvoyant" who told her he clearly saw that if she slept with him, our daughter would get better soon. And the next day, she did exactly that.She couldn’t keep this secret for long. About a year later she told me, but she didn’t say who it was, because I reacted strongly — I shut down, went silent, went into another room and locked the door for a day. I forgave her very quickly back then, mostly because we had to take care of our daughter, who of course did not get better.Our daughter eventually outgrew the condition, like most children do, about seven years after the first seizures — exactly as the doctors had told us, regardless of whether she took medication or not. When the illness was finally behind us, the topic resurfaced. I guess because once the crisis was over, all the unprocessed emotions came back. That’s when the full truth came out — who it was, and why it happened.Unfortunately, my wife couldn’t help me with any of it. She couldn’t apologize, couldn’t support me — she simply didn’t have the strength then, and she still doesn’t. I had to deal with everything alone. It hurt so much I wanted to scream. I put a punching bag in the basement and spent a lot of time down there imagining that "clairvoyant" in its place.I couldn’t stay angry at my wife for long. I don’t know… but in that situation, I might have done something just as irrational. Back then I prayed at night asking God to take my life in exchange for my daughter’s health. I understand her. But she never managed to understand me, or the pain she caused me.She threw herself into esotericism even deeper, probably trying to convince herself that what she did somehow helped. I started to hate everything mystical. After about five years I got tired of hating and simply stopped paying attention to esotericism at all. She also slowly lost interest in it.We still live together. We have a second child. I trust her again, but I think I just want to put a final period at the end of this story. I can’t talk about it with her — her pain seems just as strong as mine, maybe even stronger, and she has no strength to discuss it. But I want to feel that I’m not alone, that my pain is real, and I hope my story might help someone else.My story is complicated, ugly, painful — but I’m sure others have gone through something similar. And for those who haven’t, I hope reading this will help them avoid making desperate, impulsive decisions. It hurts, but it’s survivable.

My wife has epilepsy. She's had it since she was a baby when she fell off of a bed at 6 months old and suffered a TBI. It was very bad for several years. Back to back seizures and often went into status epilepticus. They slowly became more infrequent until she had her last one at 11 years old.

She beat the odds, graduated high school and overcame a lot, which is pretty amazing since her original prognosis was that she'd never be able to walk, talk, or go to school, and certainly should never have children. Tell that to our 27 year old son.

She was doing very well, then when our son was 7 her seizures returned when she was 35 years old. At first it seemed like a one-off, but over the years they increased to the point where driving just wasn't safe for her anymore and her independence was drastically reduced. They're mostly controlled now with meds, but she still experiences mild absence seizures 2 to 3 times a year. Just often enough to not clear her to drive. I know what its like for a loved one to be afflicted with this disease. Its awful. There's more to it than just occasional seizures.

My wife met someone at work who also has epilepsy and lies to his dr about his seizure frequency just so he can keep driving. Long story short, he moved on my wife and fueled her resentment over her loss of independence (and her awful, controlling husband who didn't want her to drive) and they had an affair. So I also know what it's like to be on the receiving end of that as well.

I'm sorry you've found yourself here, but this is a really good group of folks who understand what it is you went through, and are likely still going through as far as the fallout goes.

Friend, it sounds like a you rugswept your wife's affair. Have the 2 of you really talked about it at all? Does she understand the trauma she inflicted on you? I know your d day was a long time ago, but betrayal trauma is real trauma, and if left unaddressed it can fester for years. Sometimes decades. PTSD symptoms are common and triggers can come out of nowhere. How are you doing right now?

Oh no, we talked a lot, but mostly about the wrong things. We went to a couples therapist for about a year, and it didn’t help much. But to be fair, we probably needed that time just to start thinking differently. She always spoke about reasons, fate, and explanations, but what I really needed to hear was that she understood the pain she caused me. It was simply more than she was able to say.And yes, she had her own understandable reasons to act irrationally in that situation. Still, there are always people who find a way to use circumstances to their advantage. The truth is, once I realized what exactly I wanted to hear from her, those words lost their meaning — and I didn’t need them anymore.After a lot of deep self‑reflection and countless hours talking to AI, I’m doing well. I learned to stop paying attention to the things that used to bother me, and they really did fade away. She’s no longer interested in any of those mystical ideas either, but that changed because of actions, not words, I guess.

Oh no, we talked a lot, but mostly about the wrong things. We went to a couples therapist for about a year, and it didn’t help much. But to be fair, we probably needed that time just to start thinking differently. She always spoke about reasons, fate, and explanations, but what I really needed to hear was that she understood the pain she caused me. It was simply more than she was able to say.And yes, she had her own understandable reasons to act irrationally in that situation. Still, there are always people who find a way to use circumstances to their advantage. The truth is, once I realized what exactly I wanted to hear from her, those words lost their meaning — and I didn’t need them anymore.After a lot of deep self‑reflection and countless hours talking to AI, I’m doing well. I learned to stop paying attention to the things that used to bother me, and they really did fade away. She’s no longer interested in any of those mystical ideas either, but that changed because of actions, not words, I guess.